Hi my husband unexpectedly died 13 months ago at age 59 we been together from age of 17 i really dont know who i am since i lost him some days i put brave face on for family and friends then other days i just feel numb carnt do nothing just cry , my famy pushing me to go out with friends but its so hard pretending im ok itsexausting , i feel my friends think i should be getting on as normal they was there with support at first but now if i say im struggling with a bad days they change subject , i dont want to be a pest doom and gloom how am i supposed to carry on when half of me went to heven with my husband x


Hi @Tinatina,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband.

It sounds as though things are very difficult at the moment.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share these links with you to help you with your grief.

You might already be familiar with our other Online Bereavement Support services, but if not, you can find out more about our Online Counselling service, our Grief Coach text support service, and our Grief Guide self-help tools by visiting the link.

Please do take care of yourself and keep reaching out,

Online Community Team

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Thankyou for your support i will try the online breavment see how i go x

You have done the right thing coming on here and seeking help from people who will actually listen and not just change the subject, look bored or God forbid, think you are a “pest”.

I think we have all felt that, and if honest, may well have done it ourselves to others when we were not in this horrible mess that grief leaves us in. Everyone has a life that they feel they need to get on with, whatever that means to them.

It’s sometimes more brave to tell someone, especially close friends or family, that you are exhausted with all the false “happy-face pretending to be jolly” stuff. Being brave (so-called) and pretending to be happy doesn’t sound like the best course of action. After all you feel rotten enough as it is, and then double that exhausting yourself further by pretending you are OK …don’t do that. Try not to, anyway. Come on here instead. Then at least its not wasted energy. You might find someone who is close to your situation and actually “gets it”, you might find someone who has an “answer”. If not either of those then at least you will have got a little of the misery off your chest and shared it around a bit, which can help.

I find it hard to remember there’s no time limit. No one should make you feel guilty about feeling sad for however long you want or need. Don’t think I’ve put that very well… what I’m trying to say is - no one wants you to feel sad, but if that gets you through, try not to feel pressured to pretend to feel great before you can. It’s not for friends or family to say what’s “normal”.