My husband passed away 4 months ago. I have been riding the roller coaster of emotion but this week is just harder and harder. I’m losing total control. I’m not sleeping, I’m so tired, the pain is crippling. I’m just screaming and crying. Friends and family just try to stop me from crying so I don’t burden them. I know crying is part of the process but the pain, the hopelessness. I’m stuck
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Hi Skyblue68. I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain you’re going through. You are not alone. My wife died suddenly at the age of 57 exactly a month ago today and it has absolutely destroyed me. I keep replaying in my head what happened that day which is making me worse. I just can’t stop crying.
All these thoughts make me feel as though my head is going to explode. What you have described is pretty much how I am feeling right now. It’s absolutely horrendous, I know.
I’m completely useless at giving advice, sorry. All I can say is that I can understand the pain and hopelessness. I have felt that ever since my wife died and it is getting worse.
I have no family for support and only a small number of friends. My wife was absolutely everything to me. There is so much to do and I am struggling. All I can do is a couple of things a day. It is helping as I feel like I am achieving something but it feels like an impossible mountain to climb and it’s completely overwhelming.
Thinking of you and sending hugs,
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Dave, my daughter says that the pain is all the love we had left to give.
Sometimes all I would need is just one more hug but it doesn’t come.
Each morning, I think to myself, I made another day. It’s like climbing a mountain. I feel less frantic than I did earlier today. Now I’m just tired. I know it will get easier to cope but it still hurts.
I hope you find the help here on this site and I’m sorry that you have also lost your love X I have conversations with my husband, I even fill in what he would say. It helps but some days are worse than others.
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Hi Skyblue68. Your daughter’s right, I never thought of it like that. I would give anything for one last hug. The last time I saw my wife we thought it was just another mundane Monday morning.
I also talk to my wife. I tell her if I’m going out and say hello to her and tell her where I have been when I get back. It helps.
I hope you find help on here too and you’re right, it is absolutely exhausting. I have never been so tired. I have only been on here for a week or so and found it to be a great comfort with lovely people. But oh, how I wish none of us had to be here.
But we are here for each other and we can hopefully help each other through the darkest time of our lives.
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Hi both so so sorry for your loss and its such early days for you i lost my husband 15 months ago he was 67 just retired and was diagnosed with stage 4 secondary cancer and only lived 8 weeks my whole life collapsed like yours have just so much pain wed been together 40 years and i believe the more you loved the harder the grief.i cant bare living in the house my husband died at home i nursed him then the last week i had carers helped i dont go in what was our lounge as its to painful so ive decided to move and try to make things less stressful a much smaller garden and nearer the shops etc im not going far just clithero which is about 4 miles away.we just have to take a day at a time and hope we get some peace its so lonely especially with the dark nights and getting so cold i dont like the winter months…anyway both take good care and remember theres always someone to off load to on this site it has been a god send to me to listen and share our thoughts rest well helen
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Grief is love with no where to go.
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Hi Helen, I’m so sorry for your loss and to read about about your husband. My wife and I were together for forty years and I also believe the more you love someone, the harder the grief. It’s five weeks today since my wife died and every day has been unbearable.
I have no family for support and the friends who came to see me at first have now gone back to their own lives. I am now having to cope with everything on my own and it is really hard. The dark nights and cold weather just seem to make things worse.
I had counselling to begin with which helped a bit but the counsellor suggested that I should contact Open Door at Colne as they have a bereavement group which may be more helpful for me. I think the next nearest support group is in Skipton which I will also try.
The house is so cold and quiet now Lillian has gone. I can’t bear to be in the house with all the memories of what happened. I’m trying to get out as much as I can but the miserable cold weather doesn’t help.
This site is a great help to me. Everyone is so kind and understanding, I would have been completely lost without all the support on here.
Thinking of you and thank you for being so kind, Dave.
5 years ago I was dying, I have a rare liver disease and ended up in hospital for the last time for several months as my body faded away. My husband visited me nearly everyday, a two and half hour round trip. It wasn’t easy for him, he was a bi-lateral amputee and had his own pains. He lost his legs 11 months after we were married. He was a firefighter and was injured in the line of duty. The pain he went through watching me slowly fade away was so hard for him to bear. But, I, despite being told that I was too poorly to receive a liver, did get one and then in September 2019 I came home. Whilst I was in hospital, the infection went to my brain and quite often I believed that our home was sold and I would panic so much. Each time Pete reassured me that it wasn’t sold. When I came home in Sept, we had so many plans. Pete was diagnosed with terminal cancer in October and then Covid hit. Pete died at home, as he wanted. He fought right up to his last breath. We were each others heroes, we were strong and had survived so much together. Now I carry on alone knowing that I can be strong but bloody hell, it’s so hard. The pain each day, struggling to keep going without my soul mate.
Strangely, it does comfort me knowing that others feel the same and if you guys can make one hour, one day at a time, then I can for you Sorry for the long post, I’m just so proud of everything that we achieved despite the world trying to kill us off too soon X
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That’s horrendous Skyblue68. Both you and your husband have endured more than anyone could imagine. I’m lost for words after reading your post.
Thank you for sharing what you’ve been through. It’s extremely brave to do that, as you have been during your life, and you are quite rightly proud of everything you both achieved.
Life is incredibly cruel. Sending you love and hugs. X
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Bloody hell @Skyblue68 , I have just caught up with your post. Absolutely all respect to you, many would not have managed even a fraction of what you have been through.
You are incredibly resilient, however I understand your resilience could be running on reserves, and you should be absolutely proud of your wonderful husband and what you both achieved against the odds.
Very best wishes to you, and do continue to post to let us all know who you are getting on.
Hi OnlyMe2
Thanks for your message, which I have just read. When I think of everything we accomplished, I am proud. My husband was the most amazing person, so strong.
But I am now so, so angry that I am carrying on alone. I will carry on, but without all the little things you only get from the one you chose to spend your life with. All the little things. I get very annoyed very quickly and shout and scream and to be honest, the shouting and screaming is no longer helping. My rage inside is huge, its like a maelstrom just beneath the surface of a very thin sheet of ice.
I know it will pass, but at what cost?
I appreciate everyone on here being in my background. You don’t know me but you’re all there for me at the end of a keyboard.
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