Pandemic

Is anyone else finding that the pandemic has put back their recovery. My husband died at the end of 2018, he was in very poor health and we knew time was short. However, when it came it was very sudden, kind for him, less so for me the shock was traumatic. I
was doing OK picking up social life and activities. Some of the activities have been curtailed indefinitely, social occasions reduced. I am very very lonely in spite of being back in my voluntary job. I feel almost as sad and lonely as I did in the first few monhs after his death. I have no family near and live on a very quiet estate.

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Hi. My husband also died the end of 2018 and after a year of preferring my own company I began to make that move into the outside world again. I managed to keep myself busy with my regular walking and looking after our allotments but I didn’t want to mix, even with people I knew. Making the effort was hard but I joined a group of people to meet up once a week and a dancing class. I already attended the gym but that isn’t really a social thing. The last three things were no longer possible with lockdown but the gym has opened again. I still managed to keep busy all through the lockdown (allotments allowed to stay open) but I think that the loneliness comes from within us. No amount of company can take the place of that one special person so now I say I am not lonely but at times I do feel alone and that comes from within me.
You have succeeded in making that effort to pick up the pieces of a life and I hope that you will be able to eventually like your own company and not feel so lonely. I have talked to women living alone and they admit they are quite content, so I am hoping that one day I will be able to say I am coping just fine on my own.
Good luck
xxx

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Thank you for your kind reply, I am back working in the charity shop where i volunteer
and have just started a pilates class near my home. I find it hardest coming home to the empty house, it really hits me then. good luck to you stay well, it is so good to know that someone else understands. x

Hello Maurice I feel the same,. The lockdowns have had a devastating effect on me , I was just starting to feel able to mix and feel stronger. The first anniversary of losing my husband was in the first lockdown and I am afraid it had a devastating effect on me,. The reality of being alone was the worst it could have been and now the dark long nights are difficult to cope with,. I go to bed and watch TV at 7pm because I cannot be in the lounge on my own,. I feel so lonely too x

Although this latest lock down only started last week I am really struggling. I am unable to sleep and can be found downstairs making herbal tea at 3 a.m. Keeping in touch with friends via whattsapp and FB helps, but it is no substitute for the real thing. I miss my husband more than ever. Be kind to yourself, 3 more weeks to go and a light at the end of the tunnel in the new vaccine. Celia E

Hello Celia E. It is really tough isn’t it,. I am really missing my husband too,. I thought I had got over the worst of losing him a couple of months ago but I seem to have slipped back into a deeper feeling of loss and unsure of my own self worth ,. I know that probably sounds very self absorbing but being together for 40 years and having some very high points and some extremely low ones does not help because we faced them together and survived,. Now it is just me without him and I am not sure how to cope ,. I know we will but it is an uphill struggle,. Blessings to you and a big Hug ,. P xx

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All of the messages about coping alone during lockdown prove just how brave everyone is trying to be but also how very difficult it is to try and move forward in any way. I lost my wonderful husband suddenly and unexpectedly just six weeks ago and since the funeral ( when the family were with me in my home) I have been staying with my daughter and visiting home a couple of times a week.
I have no idea how I’m going to make the transition back to living there alone, it’s so painful to be there and the loss feels indescribable. Yet, that is my home. Trying to adjust is going to be very hard but to have the covid restrictions to contend with as well, just feels too daunting at the moment. Especially when life has lost it’s meaning anyway. I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on this.

Hi maurice, yes this pandemic definitely has for some put their recovery back in all sorts of ways. Lets face it the whole world has been turned upside down by it and every day you see evidence of the effect on peoples mental health.
I feel for you saying that you have no family near etc and of course that would be an issue for you. I think this site is great and a good way of letting off steam and talking to people.
Grief and loss do seem to be worse lately as the anxiety, fear and depression of this virus have all gone in to the mix as well. I suppose I’m fortunate having people in my life but I still find things difficult some days and yes its true the virus has for some people made life difficult for getting out and socialising. Take care and try and relax maurice and I hope you will eventually be alright and feel better one day.

Hello Thank you for your kind words, I am trying to take a day at a time and counting the days until I can go back to my volunteering in a local Hospice Shop, it has been such a help to me, its true helping others is good for mental health. Good friends are important but I am unable to meet them just now, sometimes phone call are not enough you just need to see a friend. The positive messages from this site are a big help. Thank you, stay safe and well
Celia

@Seasurge2 I also am thinking a lot about my living arrangements. I am getting tetchy inside my Mum’s life instead of mine this almost 4 weeks but I am too scared on my own. I have no solution for us as our husband’s were our real home and we can’t have that. So yes I am with you on this…

Hello seasurge,. I am so sorry for your loss,. It is a tough thing to think about,. You are being shielded by your family at the moment which is lovely but going back home will not be easy for you,. Maybe take it a couple of days at a time with perhaps one of your family with you,. I went to stay with my son for a week a few months after my husband died and it was very difficult walking through the front door,. We are all different so I don’t know how you will be,. Whatever you do I wish you many blessings and comforting arms around you :kissing_heart:

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Thank you Pauline for your kind words. I entirely agree with all that you say and plan to try small steps. I love my home but it feels very challenging at the moment, hampered by lockdown restrictions which have just made free movement so very difficult for everyone.
The understanding of others dealing with this pain helps you to know you’re not alone.

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I stayed on my own from day 1 after the death of my husband, family visited often and my daughter came for walks with me but it could not continue as they have busy lives of their own and my daughter was also grieving the loss of her dad. I am glad now because it has made it easier for me to have to come home to an empty house. Perhaps stay on your own for a day or so and build up the time gradually so that you don’t lose independence. Good luck

Thank you so much for your advice. To build up independence is important, I really understand that and will try very hard to work towards it.
You are a brave lady. Take care.

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