Hi all,
I’m lying awake and I just need help I think. Or to get this out of my head and for others to have input on.
My dad died May 22 and my dog died August 23. I’m trying to carry on but I feel like I’m getting worse. I’m riddled with anxiety and panic to the point where nothing actually feels real. I wake up in the nights sick to my stomach and I have an anxiety ache all of the time.
I’m still working, but I feel like I’m just living in my head. I can’t carry on like this. I used to be a real self assured person. Now I feel as though there’s something wrong with me all of the time, like I feel as though I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
I feel it’s bottled up emotions that I’m too scared to face. When dad died the pain was bad but I threw myself into work but now I feel as though I’m really paying for it.
I’ve had counselling and she told me there was nothing wrong with me but how can you feel this bad? Don’t know. I feel like I need to take a bit of time off work maybe? Like it helped to work in the beginning but now it’s going against me.
My life’s also a bit upside down, I sold the house I lived in with mom dad and dog and now I’m living in a caravan whilst I move into a new home. See, I’m every where. I feel everywhere and I just don’t think I’m looking after myself. Please would someone reassure me that I’m not alone and that I’ll be ok. I really appreciate it. X
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I’m so sorry you’re struggling, @laura1brown23. I’m giving your thread a gentle bump - I’m sure someone will have some thoughts to share 
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Hi Laura.
I lost my Dad very suddenly in April. He was, and always will be my hero.
I went back to work after 7 weeks, and initially I was ok. After a short time back though I found I was like 2 completely different people - absolutely fine at work, and a mess at home (I started dreading my days off). I also suffer from anxiety (palpitations every morning when I wake up, nausea, zero appetite, and real fear that immobilises me when it hits). Last week my counsellor suggested that Im using work as too much of a distraction and only papering over the cracks, so to speak. It hit me like a brick to the face. I spent 2 days unable to move or eat, until my partner reminded me to think what Dad would want for me.
I think its very normal for us to struggle this hard, and I can completely empathise with what you’re going through.
Have you considered counselling?
A friend of mine advised me last week to break the day up into morning, afternoon, and evening - get through one at a time before thinking about the next.
Sending you all the love in the world - your Dad is still with you and he lives in you. The way you think, the way you see the world, you are literally half him
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Im now back on the sick for 2 weeks, while I try to accept this new life without Dad in human form. Although I know his spirit is still with us. Its an incredibly difficult thing to accept, I think our minds go into self preservation mode without us making a conscious effort to do so