Only 4 weeks after loosing my husband and I’ve started to have panic/anxiety attacks. In tesco this morning and my heart starts racing, and I just start sobbing. Lady was so helpful and took me to one side where I just broke down. Does anyone know what I mean. I don’t know what to do.
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@Alyson.r I hope I can help a little?
This is ENTIRELY NORMAL. You are normal.
I wrote a similar plea for understanding a few weeks after my darling Sharon passed; my panic attacks were massive and at times I was very very close to the edge of the chasm. Lots of people on this site were very kind and explained how normal it is - and although they can be terrible (I collapsed in and out of consciousness for hours, blue lighted to hospital, Major Traumas etc - but hopefully that won’t happen to you as I’d been suppressing emotion for too many years) - but it happens as part of grief. Everyone is different, but you are NORMAL. I can’t say don’t worry about them, because I know you will… but my anxiety has reduced (on antidepressants which I never thought someone like me would ever take) but I’ve gone from not crying to sobbing uncontrollably for 30 seconds or so before my brain shuts it down.
You are not alone, post here, listen to others on here… it may help you?
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Thank you so much. I never thought I could be or feel this way. It’s as though I hold everything in me and then it just seems to explode. Anywhere and anytime. Loss is the most devastating thing. Xx
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Bless you just take one day at a time . You’re doing ok it’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do your world has been turned upside down so cry ,scream and shout all you want. Anxiety is part of grieving and the price we pay for loving and being loved in return. I won’t say it will go away but it will ease as you learn to manage it better and revognise what the triggers are. Look after yourself tell people how you feel and talk to your GP as they might be able to suggest options for you to consider. Take care
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16 months since i lost my mum . Taking antidepressants and on my third lot of counselling and still struggling . I am still here though battling on but its so difficult . I wish i could tell you it gets better , but for me it hasn’t. Take care.
Love Angie xx
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Dear @Alyson.r as @DennisS says you are experiencing what most of us have and it is all part of grief. I have learned to accept it as part of the loss of my husband.
The early days panic attacks turned into high blood pressure and a constant cough then the widespread pain and cramps set in. My GP reassured me this is sadly part of grieving and my physio also gave the same advice as she tried to relive some of the muscle tension that had accumulated over the months leading up to Mikes passing and the 4months since.
We all deal with this in different ways but I find breathing exercises and mindfulness helpful. At first I thought I was going to die and just hoped it would be over with but now I’ve accepted it as part of missing my husband and have learned to accept this process however hard it is
Be kind to yourself and get some support as you go through this as it’s too much on your own
Jen x
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I thought it was just me where supermarkets are concerned. Out of all the things and places that remind me of her I think they may be the worst. I go shopping and see things I used to buy for her that she liked, stuff that I would never get for myself or for both of us. Odd sounding cheeses that she liked. Strange pickles that she was fond of. Many a time, and even now after she’s been gone for a year, I still find myself getting upset in the store and havi g to abandon my trolley temporarily and go outside to get myself together before I can finish my shopping. I thought it was me being odd but it seems not.
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No, not at all. The same for me x
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I am sorry that you are feeling this way, you are not alone - I have begun feeling the same way. I lost my husband 4 weeks ago too and feeling so overwhelmed, for the past 4 weeks I have felt numb just on auto mode getting on with the things that needed to be done, panicking about choosing the right song, the right flowers for the coffin. Now that we have finally laid him to rest I now find that I am so overwhelmed with feeling so sad, tearfully and having never suffered with anxiety attacks are beginning to have those - when to the supermarket today with my son he went off to get something that I had forgotten, it felt like he was taking such a long time but must have been a second or two but I felt so much panic that I had lost him and just stood very feeling very lost. I don’t like this feeling and struggling to deal with this. I was a person who enjoyed her own time and happy to do things on my own but now don’t enjoy being on my own. I guess its taking one day at a time and only doing the things that we can feel we can do. Sending you a huge hug X
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Peter your post could be mine!
I have problems going to places that are associated with us as a couple. From our church, to our supermarket, from our local shops to places we used to drive out to and just enjoy.
I’ve not heard of “association” but for me it’s in my major stages of grief if it is a ‘stage” nearly 6 months later.
Thankfully it’s not people just places.
I used to love looking through eBay & gumtree seeing something she would like and we would be off to get it for her. Nothing expensive a little trinket or dress and now I found I still do that looking for things for her as if finding something I might “find” a part of her.
An empty bungalow is so painful but so is an empty car.
Marian used to put my wheelchair in the boot and sit in the passenger seat beside me, now I just have a dismantled wheelchair where my beloved should be. I miss her hand gently resting on my leg and every now and then lean over and kiss the side of my head as I was driving… How I miss that so much.
May you be as whole as you can be as we approach Christmas, and find such comfort as will help you (and all of us) get through this challenging time.
Kind regards, john (and marian) 
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Jomar.
Thank you for your reply John. I realise that certain things will always remind us of our lost loved ones but I was a bit surprised that the worst for me seemed, and still does, to be supermarkets. Jo had been in a wheelchair for many years so it was usually me that went shopping alone which maybe why these things I see there that she liked upset so much because it was me that was shopping for them. It was a comfort to me to discover that I’m not the only one. I’m so sorry for your loss. As you say Christmas will be hard, this will be my second without her, but I’ll be spending it like I did last year with her brother and his family without whom I don’t think I’d manage without. Best wishes to you. Peter.
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