Paralysed by fear

I lost my dad on June 2021 from
Small cell lung cancer. I had 6 months to get used to the diagnosis before he died. I was his only child and he didn’t have a partner therefore I cared for him throughout his illness until he went into the hospice for the last 4 days of his life.

Thankfully, I had the last month of his life off work due to stress so I was able to care for him. I then went back to work after about 2-3 weeks after his death.

I am stuck. I am paralysed by fear and it feels like I don’t care about life any more. I can’t make the simplest decisions day to day. I am really struggling at work and spend most of the day at work sitting in front of the screen panicked. I feel unable to take any action due to fear of being wrong somehow. My grief has spilled over into all areas of my life and I have lost my confidence, feel incompetent, I am struggling to trust others and feel paranoid. I have completely lost myself and life’s challenges feel too much to bear, even the simplest of things can send me in to a spin.

I am having counselling but things do not seem to be getting better.

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Holster
My heart goes out to you and so very sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad…
Do you think you may have gone back to work too soon? Is there anyone you can talk to in work? A friend or a Manager?
Have you thought about counselling or seeing your GP to find out what services are available at your Practise or possible medication!?
From what you are saying you sound depressed and may need more time off work?
Just a few thoughts when reading your post…
You have been a wonderful support for your Dad and now need support back…
This site will help you alot to share your feelings…
Sending love and a big hug to you…
X

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Thank you for your reply.

Yes I certainly went back to work so soon. Unfortunately my manager who was supportive has now left so I feel very lost and untethered.

I should have taken the further time off when I needed it as now I have got further down the line with returning to work it feels harder to be off. I’ve started projects that I don’t feel i can follow through with. My mind is occupied by work and I’ve got no time to grieve. I am utterly exhausted.

I’m
Not sure what the GP would do other than sign me off? Medication doesn’t seem right in the circumstances. Yes I’m very depressed but related to the grief/death. I don’t think medication can fix that. I feel very stuck and hopeless

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Hello again Holstar.
You sound as though you don’t know which way to turn.
You say that if you go to your GP they will just sign you off, but maybe that is the very thing you need as things don’t see to be working by going back to work? Or even a talk with your GP could help? They have other support contacts who could help you…
I think you have been really brave and quite amazing facing up to work and life and all its pressures with what you are going through, but as you said yourself, you are exhausted…
Sending kind regards and wishes to you

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@Holster Don’t know which area of the country are in, but GP services do have social prescribing nurses and so on. It’s not always pills on offer, and you are probably quite right to be hesitant about that side of things… but to be honest it sounds to me like you are completely worn out and need a break, and a chat with a GP should be what you need. Do yourself a favour, get an appointment. You don’t know until you get there what answers the GP might come up with do you? Nothing to lose. There’s always advice on here and in all the bereavement books " you should be kind to yourself". Here’s an ideal opportunity to do just that, a solid real practical thing. Make an appointment, eh?

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Have you also tried CRUSE, MIND and sometimes workplaces have counselling services. I think Sue Ryder offers support services too.

Defo follow up with gp. X

Hi,

Thanks everyone. I’ve been having beareavement counselling via the hospice, I’ve had 11 sessions so far.

I went to the GP and they suggested it might be a good idea to have 2-4 weeks off and a phased return to work. They also suggested antidepressants may be an option.

I’m not sure either of those options are a good idea for me. I think I am learning that nothing will take away the pain and distress I am experiencing and I’m just going to have to tolerate it! I am just trying to get the rest when I can and sleeping a lot at the weekend.

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Rest is a great idea, and keep an open mind to different treatments. Everyone is different.

It’s about finding a way to tolerate it, yes.

Writing down thoughts helps sometimes. Therapistaid.com has resources to read about grief and how to move on.

We’re in this together and we will recover one day x

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