Paralysed by fear

I’m lying in bed wishing I’d never woken up.
I feel paralysed with fear of being alone and without my partner.
I so wish for this nightmare to end and go to join him.
I wish someone could help me.
I see a councillor and on meds but the fear and loneliness is making me feel suicidal.
I don’t know where to turn.
I wish someone could help me

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How long have you been in the meds? They can take 2 weeks to kick in. Is there a family member or a friend who can come in or speak to you on the phone? Please ring Samaritans if you keep feeling suicidal. Love and hugs.

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Hi @Pudding
I’ve been on meds for 3 weeks after trying different tabs…
I’ve phoned Samaritans before but they just told me to take deep breaths , which I try to do.
I’m so scared all the time.
I wondered if anyone has had any kind of therapy which has helped?
I don’t think I’m going to make this journey of grief.
I just can’t live without my partner.
I lost him 6 months ago to a sudden cardiac arrest and miss him with ever inch of my being.
Nothing I do seems to stop the desire of not wanting to live without him….I wish someone could help me.
My stomach is in knots all the time and I can’t seem to motivate myself xxx

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Have you tried NHS? I just don’t have the mindset to be suicidal. I don’t know if it is courage or cowardice. But I do desperately miss my husband. I am going to talk to the doctor Monday about meds.

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Hi @AlysonandSteve,

I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling really down.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, @AlysonandSteve , get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,
Alex

Hello Alyson, Grief is totally awful isn’t it, it’s not just that we miss them but we’ve lost the special someone who had our back & the world can seem a scary place without that support.

The only advice I can give is to try to hold on, the more time that passes the shock will wear off & you’ll be able to cope better, I know it doesn’t feel like it but you will get through this & be able to cope again.

I would suggest that you try to do something each day, like a walk or swimming, buy a newspaper daily that you’ve never read before, start a new routine to the one you had before, a different time of getting up & going to bed, sleeping on your husbands side of the bed, sitting in a different place in the living room, these changes will just build a new routine which may help.

You will be ok, you will come out the other side.

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Hi @AlysonandSteve
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I too lost my husband suddenly to a cardiac arrest 13 months ago. And I’ve felt those thoughts too. It’s an awful place to be. I remember 6 months being very hard. Everything you read suggests you should feel ‘better’ about it all by then and I certainly didn’t. I felt it wasn’t socially acceptable to talk about it anymore and that the world had moved on forgetting Martin. There are such dark times along the road but eventually I started to see glimmers. And then it was black again and then glimmers. After the first anniversary which was so hard I’d managed to give myself a kick to start to embrace those glimmers.

Try and hold onto that hope. There is a big difference between not wanting to live and suicide.

Sadly my mum passed away 10 days ago very suddenly again and I find myself right back in the abyss with all those feelings and thoughts but hopefully with a greater understanding of grief.

Sending you a big hug :heart:xx

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It never seems to rain but it pours. So sorry to hear about your mum.

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Dear @AlysonandSteve - have you got any family or close friends who you can turn to? Just talking to someone can help. My partner died 6 months ago too and i think i’m doing ok moving forward trying to build a new life without him - then something - just something little - makes me feel so scared and alone again. I’m lucky in that i have my sisters and their families, but nothing can ever replace that close reassurance and bond you had with your soul-mate. The world can be such a sad place. Try and do something each day that will help fill one of the many gaps you have in your life. Im certain your love would not want you to spend your life feeling so despondant and grief stricken. Its a very very hard thing to do, to move forward when you just want your happy life back. Nothing can bring that person back so things will never be the same - we just have to accept life will be different and scary for a while. Please try to keep strong - its breaking me in pieces moving forward and it will you too, but i guess its something we just have to do. Sending hugs. X

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@AlysonandSteve I am so sorry for your loss…I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly 9 months ago. You will be in and out of shock. Every day is different for me. Some days I cry all day, other days I scream and shout out why and I want you back. Some days the guilt comes back and other days I feel ok. Today I just feel nothing but numbness. This journey of grief is so hard. I try and keep busy and make arrangements for the week so I know that I got something to do. I think you need to just go with the grief and not fight it. No one can control the future or the past as we know. You have done the right thing by reaching out on here… Big hugs xx

We are all in similar situations on here, take strength from that and you have all our support and need yours too.
Take care, stay posiiyive, make him proud.

Aw … @AlysonandSteve you were doing really well a while ago. Hope you feeling better today ? Xxx

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum.especially so soon after your husband.your sound strong & you will get through it.Life can be unbearable cruel at times.Gary passed away last November & l look at it 2 ways.every day that passes is a day nearly to seeing him again.& its also a day more along the line & the pain subsides & the light is breaking through & we can see a way through the pain & grief.thinking of you & sending love & hugs XX

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I just wanted to thank you all for your messages.
I pray every morning and night I can be released from this constant anxiety and yearning for my partner.
The memories of him are so vivid that I can hear his voice and it’s killing me inside.
I can’t imagine a day I will not feel this way and can’t live my life this way.
I wish I knew how to process this yearning

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Dont give up. Be strong. Our arms are all around you❤

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Hi @AlysonandSteve … i feel for you so much ? Can you get any bereavment counselling ? Try and find out if you can get some. May help xx

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