My dad died suddenly at 62 a couple of months ago. Whilst I’m grateful he didn’t suffer, I feel robbed of many things; making more memories, helping him make a new home, family time with the children but at the moment I feel robbed of final words. In my heart, I know what he would say, but I hoped for some messages from the group to help me at this time. For those of you who had time to tell each other, would you be able to share what your loved ones said that might offer hope, reassurance, strength, and a reason to live on.
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Hi i had 6 days with my mum to tell her what i wanted to say unfortunately she was not able to reply to me and i hope she could hear and understand all of what i was sayjng or just know i was there holding her hnading. The best advice i was given was to write a card to her which i did she died 2 days before mothers days and me being super organised already had the card so i wrote memories and probably all the thjngs i had said to her and put the card in her coffin. I also did this at christmas ilagain saying how much i missed her. This helped me as sometimes its only them who you want to say it too as nobody else would understand. Am sure your dad knew exactly how you felt about him. All i wanted was someone to tell me how proud my mum was of me, and her best friend did which gave me comfort deep down i already knew this but whe your grieiving and misso g them so much it was what i needed 
and another friend wrote to me sayjng my mum knew i had tremendous inner strenght and that i would be ok at this time so my mum wasnt able to tell me any of this but her friends did. Is there anyone who can share his thought or memories with you? Take each day at a time and do whats right for you i feel i have changed as a person as i have a missing part of me! Cherish the photos and memories you have of your dad sneding hugs xx
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@Sall sorry for your loss. I also lost my mum suddenly just over 2 months ago and never got to say goodbye to her. I feel cheated to of that but I spoke to her before they took her away. I had to go into her work to fill out papers and was there for ages talking to the people who worked with her some for over 25 years. They said she would talk about me, where we had been and what we had done and her grandson to who was her pride and joy. I came away feeling a sense of comfort hearing so much lovely stories about her as they knew her so well and I also understood why she loved her job so much. It is tough though when you didn’t get that opportunity to say those final words to each other.
Valda xx
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Hi @Sall so sorry for your loss. I too lost my mum suddenly 23 weeks ago today. I totally understand you and robbed is the right word. I too am grateful mum didn’t suffer snd that it was quick and I hope painless, but it’s so hard not having those last words, time together to say our goodbyes. It was such a shock.
I also wrote my thoughts in a letter which I put in her coffin. I spoke to her and told her how I felt in the chapel of rest, but I long to be able ro hug her and tell her how much she meant and how much she was loved.
I hope you find this forum comforing, it’s been such a help to me.
Reach out whenever you need to. Sending love and strength.x
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Hi Sall ,
I had approx 6 weeks with my mum caring for her 24/7 at home for the last 3 weeks. I had time to tell her everything I wanted to tell her and did so many times.
There were some lovely moments when out of the blue she said things to me and I feel it was her way of saying goodbye.
One morning I came downstairs and she said Thank you for everything you have done for me . I couldn’t understand at first what she said so asked her to repeat it and to say it as loud as she could and slowly. It was a massive effort for her and when I realised what she said I just burst into tears and told her it was a privilige looking after her.
Another time she said I don’t know what I would do without you Debs.
I also remember telling her I loved her and she said I love you too.
She also believed in signs and I asked her if she would send me a sign that she was ok and she said she would.
She didnt or couldn’t speak much for the two days before she passed but I know she knew she was surrounded with love as I constantly held her hand and she managed to squeeze it minutes before she passed.
Throughout the time she was in bed at home and especially towards the end i would lay my head on her pillow next to her head so she could feel me near her and even though she didn’t actually say anything I knew she was comforted knowing I was near her.
Sometimes there are no final words because quite simply I believe actions speak more than words and just knowing people care and love them is enough. Just my way of thinking anyway.
Deborah x
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