Partner did not know he had cancer

Hi all this is my first post
I lost my partner last November suddenly last November due to vomiting blood (haematemis) due to having lung cancer this happened when I was at work all I know he phoned the ambulance and died at home we were not aware he had lung cancer know we are aware that he was showing signs he had been to the gp on the Tuesday and passed away on the Friday we were together for 21 years my grief is getting worse it keeps going through my head how did die the fact the fact know one was with him I don’t know how much longer I can take this I am back at work Monday and dreading we also check in with each other and 12 and 4pm he was my world

Hi ldnw ,
So sorry to hear about your loss. It must be such a shock for you, especially not knowing he had cancer. Life is so very cruel.
I also lost my husband in November he had a cardiac arrest, went to work fine then he never came home again, we’re all devastated, life changes in a split second.
My thoughts are with you, keep posting on here, this site has some lovely people who are all going through the same painful feelings, we are all here to help each other.
Hope it was ok for you back at work…
Keep strong.
Steph x

Thanks for your reply sorry for your loss yes that shock that your life can change in a split second work was not to bad it was coming home without my Nigel who always had a cuppa waiting for me we were together 21 years and he was my world no children to focus on
Take care

It is the coming home is the worst thing, at least while you’re at work or out your mind is slightly focused on something else, although the painful lost feeling is always there.
It must be hard if it’s just you at home, have you got close family. I’ve got three daughters, two of them have moved out but my youngest daughter who’s 21 is still at home, I’m not too much on my own but still feel lonely without my husband.
Life is so unfair .
Look after yourself x

Hi, yes coming home to that empty house was the worst thing in my life until I got a cat. Yes, I know that must sound pathetic but she is always there waiting for me. Sorry she can’t make a cup of tea but believe me she makes such a difference to my lonely life. This bereavement thing can be horrible but we have to keep going and find the right answer for us, so this helped me, hope you can find something that helps you. Take care of yourself.

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hi Ldnw
very sorry for the loss of your partner.
ive a slight idea how your feeling,Jayne was my world,we had no children,
and to all intense and purposes ive nothing to live for.
but I decided id live with Jayne in my heart mind and soul and I would try my best
to do things in Jaynes memory.i gave a donation to the east Cheshire hospice.ive given small donations here and there ,and set up a direct debit to the PDSA because over the 28 years we were together even when we had bugger all our selves Jayne always had money going monthly from her account to also hoping this lockdown ends and im able sort out doing the sky dive I was planning in Jaynes name and memory .Jayne was a very loving caring and generous lady ,I was a little generous but think im way way more generous now that im living for my baby Jayne.hope you can find ways to cope and live your life either for your self or your man.hope ive not offended you.

No ian thanks for the reply
What great thing you are doing in memory of your Jayne I hope in time I will be doing something to rem my Nigel by we were big cat lovers the three cats I have now were all rescued by him and I’m so glad I have them its helped going to work I’m front line I think of my nigel from the min I get up to the min I go to bed and I know he would not want me to be like this take care

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yw Ldnw
and thank you.
take care and try stay safe.

Hello. I was with my husband Patrick as he passed away on November 7th. We were given the news a week before that the cancer had spread. We met in our twilight years and were only married nine years. The happiest of our lives and every day he told me how much he loved me. I can’t bear it and cry so much. Every thing I see reminds me he’s no longer here. The garden I work in is pointless without him saying “Well done sweetheart” as he used to. I long for his smile and hugs. I can’t bear that he had suffering in his life. And although people say you have your happy memories I can’t think like that when I am so bereft. Please help me.

P.s. . Patrick and I had two rescue cats. We had them a year after we got married in 2010. They were such tiny kittens and he adored them. They have been my reason for getting up in the morning and make me smile at their comforting ways. They are the only company I want now six months since my beloved husband passed away.

I am so sorry I should have said in my first post on this forum just now I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can feel for you and sincerely sympathise.

hi Yvonne
very sorry for the loss of your husband.your not on your own,many of us have lost the love of our lives,some seem to be able to cope way better than other.reading a few threads and starting a thread of your own may get you more personal responses.but hopefully you will get a little comfort sharing your feelings and knowing we are here for a little empathy and help.and all the emotions you are going through are part and parcel of this tragic journey called grief. there are several threads on here where a group of ladies try to help each other through the day.

Hi Yvonne sorry for your loss I lost my partner on 22 Nov last year a bolt out the blue had not been I’ll it happened when I was at work and I’m still not accepting that its happened I have 3 rescue cats which are a blessing like you they are what keep me going all I do is take things day by day knowing it will never be the same sorry can’t be much help but try and look after yourself it helps I’m at work but have to face coming home

Thank you for your message. I feel sad for you. It must still be such a shock for you. I hope you are getting the right support. A Cruse Bereavement counsellor has phoned me and I have two more sessions with her. I have been able to talk openly with her and voice my anger at certain things. I am glad you have work to take some of your time up. Yes cats are a comfort…until they bring a mouse in!!! My husband always used to remind me not to let my guard down - and I did last night - and lo and behold - I woke in the night to find Milly and Molly trying to track the one down they had sneaked in. I had a humane trap fortunately and it’s gone now. I hope this makes you smile a little xxx

Thank you Jianye for your message as well. I feel comforted to know you understand my grief. Xxx

Dear Yvonne, I am so sorry to read your post and totally empathize with all you have written. My husband of 35 years died suddenly the same day as yours and I miss him more and more each day. when people say that grief is the price we pay for love it doesn’t help me at all. Nor does being encouraged to remember all the happy times make it any easier. There must be a way to survive this nightmare with positivity and fortitude but so far it eludes me and I suspect many others on this site.
Thinking of you

Hi Yvonne lucky I don’t have to deal with mice mine are indoor cats I just have to deal with consist cat litter scattered every where sure they do it on purpose good that you feel counseling is helping you I was in two minds about this and when I had made my mind up lockdown began

Ah. After lockdown I will move house and as I don’t want another garden mine will have to stay in too. They will get extra cuddles instead… I have telephone counselling. When I have felt the need i have telephoned The Silver Line. X

Dear Jobar I am sorry I have just seen your message. I agree with you these things do not help. I can only hope that the next six months become more bearable but at the moment it is a nightmare. Thank you for sharing your pain as bizarrely it is a little comforting xxx

Dear Yvonne, I understand completely what you mean by bizarre comfort. it seems perverse to gain comfort from someone suffering the exact same pain we would do anything to avoid. For me joining this forum has helped in realising that although I feel isolated in my grief, I have not been singled out for this horror. It’s not always easy to remember this when receiving messages from friends making post lockdown plans as couples!
Take care x

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