Partner lost dad

Coping with bereavement
1

Hi everyone,

Hope I am writing this in the right place.

My gf (25) of over three years has just lost her dad quite suddenly and it has been such a difficult time for her and for me (26).

One year ago we moved to the Netherlands to complete our masters degrees. It was very unexpected and she went back to our home country while her dad became very ill and I stayed here as I had to start my job and could not financially go with. Ever since the two weeks leading up to his passing she has cut me off, barely talking to me or telling me what was going on. The only way I received any updates has been through her sisters bf who is also in the Netherlands with me.

I have been trying my absolute best to be understanding and as patient as I can as I can’t begin to imagine the pain she is going through but I can’t help but feel hurt in this process. She has broken up with me over a text message saying that I haven’t been there to support her. To put things into context she blocked me the night her dad passed and only unblocked me two days later to break up with me and say she just wants to be friends.

I feel really upset and frustrated as all I wanted was to support her and be the best partner I could despite the long distance circumstances.

To make matters more complicated, we were living together in an apartment before she left the country and now I am in a situation where she expects me to find a place for myself and pay the half of the rent of the our current place.

I feel so lost and alone in this and have no clue what to do. She is arriving back in the country in 7 days and I hage no clue how to navigate this. My heart is so sore as I am grieving the loss of what was going to be my future father in law as well as my own relationship at the same time while in a country with no support.

Does anyone have any wise words of wisdom or suggestions? I feel so young to be going through all this and feel like I have no guidance…

2

Hello @Hatricktaker ,

Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry for your girlfriend’s loss and the uncertainty of your relationship.

When it comes to something as tough as grief, it can be hard to know what to say or do that might help someone you love. Our Grief Kind campaign has lots of resources that can help. You can:

  • Watch our Grief Kind classes. Our Grief Kind classes are five short video tutorials in which Sue Ryder bereavement experts talk you through what grief is like and how you can support others who are grieving
  • Listen to our Grief Kind podcasts. Our Grief Kind podcasts are hosted by author, journalist and Sue Ryder ambassador, Clover Stroud. She speaks with celebrities about their personal experiences of bereavement and the support which helped them most when coping with their grief.
  • Read our guide on supporting someone else who has been bereaved.

I hope that you find these resources helpful. Please take good care of yourself, too - the community is here for you.

Alex

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