Hi all,
I have been on here before and have found it really helpful, apologies to anyone that I didn’t respond to. I have been trying very much to cope with my own grief and have tried to block it out and am trying to get back to some sort of normality. I have since realised that this isnt possible - to block out grief. I am living alone and it’s driving me crazy…the loneliness is unreal. My partner died at home 8 weeks ago and I thought I was getting through it but all of this week i’m just not coping, breaking down and crying all of the time and hating life. I’ve now developed high blood pressure and anxiety, palpatations…the doctor has put me on beta blockers but my blood pressure is still high. I’m so very scared about my own health and traumatised by watching the passing of my partner. We were together for 27 yrs. I am so alone. Sending virtual hugs to everyone on here.
So sorry for your loss. I lost my wife back in March 2025 and, as everyone here will attest, it’s bl**dy hard.
Our lives have been devastated by the losses. My wife also passed away at home in my arms and I very well know how traumatic it is. I am afraid that we will never get back to normality, however we may be able to learn to live with it.
They say grief is the price we pay for love and we both have heavy debts, in my case 60 years of being with Jackie.
Loneliness is awful. I am sat typing this about 8 feet away from where Jackie passed in the living room she had been using as a bedroom. Even though her ‘bedroom’ is now back to a living room, I can not bear to sit in there on my own.
I am not medically trained, but if you are worried about your health, I would suggest you see your doctor, assuming you can get an appointment. Other than that, the best ‘medicine’ I can suggest is chat here and try to meet up with other people to get some human contact.
You take care
Thank you Johnr for your response, I am so sorry for your loss. You describe a situation with your wife Jackie similar to mine. My dearest partner passed away in a hospital bed in our dining room which was converted to a bedroom and although it is now back to how it always was, I also find it difficult to be in that room, I do go in sometimes, and I will talk to him. I always glance towards that room and say ‘good morning’, and often wish him ‘good night’ too, as we always used to. Somehow, I find this comforting. I know he wouldn’t want me to be so upset, he would say, ‘what you doing this for, there’s no point, live your life’. If only it were that simple, it’s gut wrenching and lonely. You take care to Johnr. Thoughts are with you and all the lovely people using this forum.
My Jackie had been sleeping in our living room, on a sofa bed.
When the palliative care team came, they were having difficulty with the sofa bed, so I persuaded Jackie to agree to have a hospital bed installed. She reluctantly did so. It arrived on the Friday one day before she passed.
I can’t forgive myself for persuading her to have the hospital bed. 
. She absolutely hated it. I’m sure she gave up. 
As I mentioned I can’t go in there on my own, other than opening and closing the curtains. That room has the largest TV, but I still can’t use it. I can sit on the sofa bed, which is now just a sofa, but it’s in a different room.
Someone here said they had some photos printed on Canvas, so I had some done and have them dotted around the house. I also say good morning/night and what’s happening to the photos.
This is the one behind where I’m sat watching the Tour de France. Taken in Sep 67 on our honeymoon in Spain. Probably a couple of days after we got married. She was just 19 and I was so lucky to spend 60 years with her. 
We both now have to live our lives, but I will always love Jackie forever.
So sorry you are going through this pain my god the pain is soo raw I am 6 weeks today and have been full crying all day i feel the same as i did 6 weeks ago just look at his photo and just love as I call him my beautiful boy he was 58 were today for 30 years we didn’t need anyone else loved each other’s company. Our hearts hurts I’m sure it is maybe normal for us to suffer anxiety and palpatations with this deep grief. I would like to meet someone in this situation but we do not have anything I do have counselling at the local hospicebut she seems more interested in my well being I’m not stupid I know I should eat I’m going to ask if she has lost someone otherwise she would understand.
Sweet
Hi. It is early days for you. You will have so many feelings, loss, loneliness , such sadness, crying. Trying to think how you can carry on with life without your soulmate.
Sadly such trauma affects your health.
Try to look after yourself and seek help. Grief is something we can never prepare for, but reach out to others especially those who have experienced such loss. Only they understand.
Take care.
Sweet , so sorry for your loss,
I know I should not smile but I am sitting in the room where my wonderful Sally passed on Monday this week, having had surgery in Sept24, 8 months chemo then secondaries in her liver, eventually ending up in palliative care then end of life care in this room for 14 days I am smiling because she wanted to move downstairs to be able to look at the garden through the French doors( small garden)but she asked the health providers for a double hospital bed…. We don’t do double beds she was told , well I never sleep without my husband cuddling my back she said!!!( 34 years married 37 years together). Well I am not doing it she said. Hold on , (me)darling isn’t there a single bed in our spare room … so I got that down it fitted right beside her and all went well until she passed where we were with her and saw her take her very last breadth ( which was not the nicest thing to see but i kept whispering in her ear how much I loved her. God it bring the tears gusting back. Anyway room back to where it was but I talk to her all the time in here. Actually I talk to her all over the house. Bigs hugs . Have we ever thought of setting up a video call so that we could talk to each other as opposed to messaging. I prefer talking to people . Just a thought. More big hugs to everybody and thanks for your support throughout.
Im sorry for your loss NedH. But you are lucky that you got to say goodbye and tell her that you love her. I did have that chance, I was too busy trying to keep him alive at the hospital, asking doctors what to do, when he took his last breath I was shocked, i wasnt ready for that. I thought everything was going to be ok.
Hi everyone.
Married to Keith for 48 years. Been together since 17/18. So 55 years of never being apart.
It is nearly 2 years since Keith died of cancer at home. I wonder if the sadness and loneliness will ever ease. Today I have cried a lot.
It’s not having anyone to tell you are having a really sad day.
I am so grateful I found this community with people who understand because they are in this horrible grief journey.
Yes wish we could face time but maybe not good for everyone.
Take care and thank you for listening.