Partners ashes

It’s actually around both but particularly end of life in hospital.
End of life is believing what you are told by the primary health carer, i.e. Dr, consultant etc without any medical proof so basically someone saying “there is nothing more we can do” that is THEIR end of life meaning to you. What does that entail for the patient? the family? what exactly does end of life mean…just what they tell you? What does medical negligence look like? Would Joe public know what that is? There is so much I could write but too long a discussion for on here and probably not the place either.
A little example, if a patient in end of life was in pain and agony and unable to communicate would you know say for instance if a catheter had been inserted was it inserted correctly?

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Sarlyn .thank you for all the information about wills.i am going to sit down and make a wil .hadn’t thought about it until now.definitely going to sort one out now x

@Sarlyn each case is different and the reason for end of life

My partner was from metastatic colorectal cancer that had metastasised to her liver. Her liver function blood tests and pet scans reflected her liver was completely consumed by the disease

She went into liver failure - hepatic encephalopathy - at home starting with loss of muscle function and then her ability to process simple sentences from toxins affecting her brain function

Soon after she lost the ability to communicate and muscle function and that was the point end of life started - fluids ceased, catheter inserted and syringe driver

The signs of somatic muscle function cessation is the dreaded “death rattle” from inability to swallow and secretions accumulating in the throat - internal organ functions are starting to systematically shut down at this point

This wasn’t a doctor telling me, I held her hand while she went through each of these steps
End of life, under it’s correct terminology, is a definitive sequence of events as the body starts shutting down

As far as definitive communication, that ceases with muscle function loss. My partner was able to squeeze my hand when I asked if she was in pain for additional pain meds, but it’s not definitive communication.
But what’s the answer to that? The person is no longer able to communicate. All you can do is monitor if they appear peaceful or in distress

As I say, the alternative is euthanasia, where you decide your own path

Remember @Martyn2 the law does not take into account unreasonable actions that next of kin can cause. The law only protects a will x

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Edit - not worth it

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Hi @Sarlyn you can challenge a will if the person was coerced and was not in a position due to medical conditions or mental health. I know someone who did this successfully. I guess though it would cost a lot of money and you would have to prove that your mother was coerced. Hopefully karma will strike your brother. Xx

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Sorry for everyone’s loss. It is so hard.

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Just a quick question as far as hospital and doctors go both Chris and I had each other down as next of kin although we were not married and the hospital never once questioned my rights to be the one that they referred to. The bereavement team at the hospital always dealt with me as did the undertaker. When there was a question of what was to happen with his ashes it was me who said what was going to happen and the undertaker was never questioning of my rights. It’s my information on his death certificates and me who had to deal with absolutely everything. No one ever questioned my position as his partner of 35 years so @Sarlyn are you telling me 6 months later that I should not have been allowed to do all that. We lived in a rented flat and were joint tenants, our benefits as a couple were calculated as a couple

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@Annde if you were named as next of kin by your partner at the hospital, you are entitled to all medical knowledge and ultimately medical decisions, in event of incapacitation, as that was instructed by the patient to the hospital

It becomes tricky if there isn’t a will and you weren’t formally or legally named as next of kin in a legal document. If there is a will the instructions in the will take precedence

If there isn’t a will and no formal legal document naming you as next of kin, the blood relatives become next of kin by default, effectively overriding the common law patnership

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@MemoriesOfUs thankyou for that. I guess because of both his mental health issues and dermatological problems I have always been very involved in his medical care and always named on all his records. He had no will and no assets so there was nothing to gain by anyone else trying to claim rights. In fact his family were absolutely opposite and offered me financial support with the funeral and even now everytime I talk with his father he always asks if I am managing financially and tells me to ask if I need anything. I never would but it is lovely to know that there is that support if I need it.


@Annde that’s great you have a good relationship with your partner’s family.
It helps remove an additional stress you just don’t need at this time - it unfortunately doesn’t seem to be the norm with majority of us going through this