Today I have received the confirmation that I am entitled to the bereavement support payment. I should be happy to have the funeral cost almost covered but I am not and crying my eyes out. I do not want any money, I want my lovely husband back. I know I sound unthankful but I just cannot help it. My heart is broken and lonely but I will force myself to go to the library and pharmacy later on. Maybe I will feel a bit better. 
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@Annaessex
Your not being unthankful, if someone was to offer me millions of pounds or Jane back, having Jane back would mean far more than any amount of money, i rather be poor and happy with my soulmate than rich and lonely x
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You donāt at all . Iām lucky as Bry has left me in a decent position BUT , Iād live in anything/anywhere if it was with him .
Big hugs xxxx
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This is such a normal reaction. I felt so guilty getting money but my partner always said that if anything happened to him I would be looked after. Itās what he wanted.
Your partner would want to know you are secure.
I would give up everything to have him back but that not reality, reality is we need money to survive and live.
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I also feel guilty that I am going to get my husband money which he didnāt get a chance to enjoy as still had another 14 years before he retired. Iām just dreading it as in the middle of probate. The money should of been for both of us to enjoy. Now with no future plans and dreams Iām going to be the most unhappy person in the world 
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Same with me. Iām 38, we had mortgage insurance so in the case of one of us dying the mortgage would be paid off for the other. Iām down as beneficiary for his pension so financially Iām going to be ok. People say Iām lucky that Iām in a good position financially but no amount of money in the world can make me feel lucky. Iād rather live on the streets with him than be in the position Iām in now 
I know thatās never going to happen though and Iāve seen people on here who have had to leave their homes as well as lose their OHāS so I know deep down that I could be in a much worse position than I am.
Even a lottery win couldnāt make me happy right now but I am very greatful to him for everything heās ever done for me before and after his death 
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I completely understand. One of my worst days was when the money from his bank account got transferred .
Liked with lots of the paperwork we have to deal with it seemed to take ages , with lots of phone calls etcā¦I thought Iād be relieved when it happenedā¦nothing could be further from the truth I literally wept and wept stood at the cash point when Iād checked balance to see if the transfer had happened. I transferred it to an account that I had had to set up separately with council because I received a carers allowance of Ā£42 a month to be his carer. It seemed right for his money to go I to that account.
I donāt want the money and havenāt spent any of it.
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Same as me, my husband had a death in service scheme. Itās enough to pay off my mortgage and leave enough for a good few holidays for me and the kids. I didnāt feel happy when the money went into my account.
If Iād have won that amount in a competition Iād obviously be over the moon. But if felt like blood money. My 16 year old did say āwell we can have lost dad and lose our house and be skint or we can have lost dad and be financially okā So this is the better outcome. When she put it like that I was grateful.
Iād give up my house and every penny tomorrow if it meant I could have him back!
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Iām exactly the same . Itās good our OH left us without the added stress of money worries but like you Iād live in a box, on the streets If I had the chance to get Bry back 
xx
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My husband never got round to getting life insurance or pension, we had no savings. His friend paid for his cremation for me until bereavement allowance came through and I could repay him. Our home is in my name and currently on the market as I am now solely dependent on my wage and need the security of a financial backup. I dont want to leave the lovely home that we shared together, its too much to bear on top of him traumatically passing away in my arms 11 weeks ago. But this is the heartbreaking dilema i now find myself in and I would ask you to try to consider the positive side of being left with some financial security. Not having it just oiles on more stress, worry and pressure on topnof the excruciatingly painful heartache xx
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I am so sorry, Annalisa. Did his company have life insurance in his name? Hugs from Anna
So very sorry you are faced with this on top of your grief , I really am & itās heartbreaking for you . Sending you lots of love xxx
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Yeh you know what i would sell all my wordly goods to have him back ! 
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Yep just sorted my husbands pension - bitter flipping sweet isnt it !! With no one to share it with ! Jeez what a life how did we come to deserve this ? Just got through damn covid and then this !!! Bang ! Your life is shattered into little pieces xxx
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He was self employed Annaessex before he retired. He was 22 years older than me xx
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@Annalisa
Donāt know if its for you but how about getting a lodger to help cover the costs.
Janeās son is trying to get a succession tenacy as we are in housing association, couldnāt deal with leaving this place where me and Jane lived and created our own memories, could never have believed that Jane would be sitting in an urn and me wandering around in a nightmare when we got this place, that wasnāt the plan.
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I know what you mean ! We moved from near the city to the countryside ! Wasnt easy and then he only spent five years here ! What a waste of bloody time that was ;( i am feeling angry today !! X
Maybe you can rent out a room temporarily, so you can stay in your home? I know it is not a perfect solution and coping with someone else in the house might be challenging but it might be an idea before moving out of the house. Hugs from Anna
Bless you Narna. Exactly that. Our loved ones in a urn sitting in a place that no longer feels like home without them. Home is a small lodge style park home, lodgers are not permitted (nor renting) and I dont have the room anyway. Friends used to stay on a bed sofa but when Mick became ill, we couldnt have people over to stay anymore as quite often, he would come and sleep on the sofa when he was having a bad night. Far from happy memories here now, my last memories are upsetting as he was very very sick with ecoli over christmas, on top of terminal cancer and was so paralysed, he left our home on a stretcher on new years day this year and stayed in hospital until he died on 24th Feb. Its just my home now and im grateful that he put a roof over our head. But its just not home without Mick. Its also very remote and secluded here in the countryside and although its safe here, i dont feel as safe as I should do being alone. I need to be nearer to other homes on the park. I think I would feel more secure and also, a smaller property would free up some much needed money. When you live in a park home, you have to give 10% of the sale to the park owner so i will only be able to afford to buy much smaller.
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