Hi
I am 52 and lost my husband of 31 years 6 weeks ago, and am struggling to make sense of it all, as we all are.
I have 4 wonderful children, the youngest who is 16, and I am trying my very best to support them as they try to come to terms with losing their dad who they loved so much.
I also have an energetic dog who I walk three times a day so this helps me get out the house and is something that I thought was a good thing.
However as I continue to drag myself out the door each day I have been faced with neighbours and friends who live nearby blatantly avoiding me, and this is bothering me more and more each day.
So when people see me out walking the dog, or just out and about, they change direction to avoid me, or just walk by giving no eye contact at all, or if they do speak they completely ignore the fact that my husband ever existed.
These very same people came to my husbands funeral and sent lovely cards saying they would be there for me and my family any time. But they are not there for me and my kids and they canât seem to even bear to acknowledge my presence.
I have started just saying good morning to these people who then tend to look embarrassed and move on as quick as they can.
But I am finding this is taking its toll on me and I now am starting to feel anxious about going outside. I donât want to feel this way but how can I make people understand how hurtful their behaviour is and how it is making my already shattered life so much more difficult. I do have good support from a few close friends and family but I feel like my trust in human compassion is ebbing away.
Has anyone else had this happen to them and if so how did you manage ?
Hi @roni52
How can people be so cruel, at a time you need care & support, 
GRRR! It makes me furious that people can act this way. Sadly, if you read through on here, you are not alone in this, I think when people have never been through it themselves, they feel uncomfortable because they donât know what to say, though in my opinion thatâs no excuse to not at least say, âHi, how are you?â Itâs at times like these you find who your real friends are. My heart goes out to you at this upsetting time. Pls know that you are not alone, there are always people on this forum, weâve all been through the sad loss of a loved one, so have some sense how it feels.
Just remember, those that mind donât matter, & those that matter donât mind, people that treat you this way are not worth wasting your energy on, you have enough on your plate right now, itâs the family & friends that do stick around that are worth your time, they will get you through.
I donât want this to sound petty, but, when people are like that with you, you have a choice, you can choose not to talk to them either, but remember, you can walk with your head held high in the knowledge youâve done nothing wrong, you didnât treat anyone that way. Focus on what matters most, as a parent I know the kids always come first no-matter what, walking the dog sounds like a great way to get out for a while & take time out. If it helps, maybe find different walks locally, maybe on weekends take the kids with you & make it family time, this would also break up the routine a bit & give you a break from the same places where you run into people like that. Hope this helps. Sending hugs of support at this distressing time.
Hello, I experienced this & I found it upsetting & like I had some sort of contagious disease, I think people who havenât lost a partner donât know how to deal with someone who has, will they say something that will upset you? What if you ask for their help? Will they get lumbered with you?
In the end I made a point when I saw them of saying âgood morningâ & if I could stop & say something trivial like âhope the rain keeps off I want to cut the grassâ after a while theyâll realise they can deal with you normally.
Itâs the old saying âthey know not what they doâ Iâve never forgotten how they were & donât feel the same way about them but it now means itâs not so uncomfortable.
Yes, had one set of neighbours like this. It really took me by surprise.
A little while ago the husband was walking towards me and did speak.
Now, if he sees me, he will stop and have a chat.
However, the wife still tries to avoid eye contact, acknowledging me.
I think it hurts because we donât expect it and also when we feel so alone we feel even more isolated when this happens.
Take care, x
People are horrible ⌠you find that out on this journey we are on 
not everybody thank god but a lot are xx
Thanks so much - all that you say is true I know but it sometimes is just so hard to manage on a daily basis.
You do certainly find out who your friends are at a time like this - but it makes me sad that I lose these people along with my husband.
Our society needs to do better at dealing with grief but it is a huge comfort to have others on here lending their support and love xxx
Wise words and sound advice - thanks
Will try and rise above it like you say and hopefully it will get easier.
Good to know itâs not just me - did think about getting a T-shirt saying ânew widow - avoid and walk away â 
Very flipping true that is our society really needs to step up ! Its just pathetic really !!! Because one day its gonna happen to.them Xx
Lol âŚleast you still.got sense of humour .
What they did near me was give me pitying looks âŚdunno which is worse !!! Xx
I had the same with people who I thought were friends and they said they would support me it didnât happen how could they do that . They are very shallow people and one day it may happen to them well I wonât be there for them and may be they will know how we felt. Itâs so sad when you need them they are not there.Hold your head high lots of love to you all.
You donât need it at a time like this you find out who your true friends are . Maggie 1981 
So true xxxx
Hi Deb how are you doing. I hope you are well and coping itâs so hard toget past a life we knew to a life that we donât no. I do hope your friend is still there for you. Take care Maggie xxx
Oh my dog walker friend is that what u mean ? Yeh hes about lol bless him. My bit of eye candy 
gonna send you a PM ok xx