People Lie

Losing a partner
1

People lie…

They lie though ignorance and to avoid facing the truth

They say, “time heals”, but they don’t know the truth

NO – it doesn’t. Time makes you understand that they are gone. It doesn’t heal the hurt, loss, despair… pointlessness

They lie because they don’t understand, they haven’t experienced it – that loss, how could they, it hasn’t happened to them

My June passed 3 years ago and I’ve come to realise several things

People don’t know what to say – and I’m guilty of that

People say inappropriate things without realizing it (and it hurts)

People feel uncomfortable with where you are

I’ve also come to realise that I don’t care:

I know there’s a war in eastern Europe

I know there’s strikes in Britain affecting millions of people

I know that there are earthquakes, floods etc in the third world

I know that terrible things are happening on our streets

I don’t care – they don’t compare to what’s happened to me because they don’t affeact me directly. That sound scallous, but guess what … I don’t

My June passed just over 3 years ago. My life ended then although I didn’t realise it then

I’ve learned how to survive – eat, sleep, blah, blah. My life ended with her passing, I now survive

I don’t care for this world – I’m not interested – I don’t listen to the radio, or have the TV on. I listen to music from many years ago. I watch things on the TV that we watched.

I don’t want to be here. I can’t do anything about it because of my daughter, I can’t do that to her.

So, I keep busy, avoiding the thing that consumes me. I’ve met so many people because I do things I wouldn’t be doing if she was here – nice people, but I wish I’d never met them

Sorry, I’m not doing well tonight. If I’ve upset you, that’s not my intention.

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Aw … youre upset … we understand … and i know what you mean ! What does anything that happens in the world really matter anymore without our true love ! The worst has happened to us … and yet we have to try and build a type of life dont we … do you think you would benefit from some bereavment counselling ? Maybe you been trying to be too brave ? Xxx

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Yep…on all counts :love_you_gesture::disappointed:

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@dave170520 every word so true . Two years on and still feel so bad / sad/ devastated. Stop the world I just want to get off. Xtake carex

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So hard to access bereavement counselling.

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Just spoken to someone from Mind who was a complete waste of space. I only rang them as there was an hour wait to speak to someone on silver line. Waiting for counselling from NHS. Been told it could be 21 weeks. I am hoping I am coping a bit better over 5 months. Ring cruse so far no one answered the phone and I give up after a while. No wonder there is a mental health crisis.

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Try cruse during the week … do you know you can have online counselling with grief kind, part of sue ryder … you would have to go online to do it like … did nobody reach out to offer you counselling when your husband passed ? Xx

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I know theres a long list but i was offered it at beginning by a few agencies :frowning: i said no to start with but later on i decided i needed it … :frowning: its a right mess isnt it this country !

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I have tried cruse in the week. Have also used grief chat during the week. Nobody offered me counselling when my husband died. His official cause of death wasn’t cancer but internal bleeding so the cancer charities didn’t get involved. I self referred on the nhs website.

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Oh right … yeh i remember now … i dunno why cruse arent picking up for you then ? High demand i expect :frowning: what about grief kind with sue ryder then ?

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Theres grief kind with sue ryder … thats online bereavment counselling … x

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I have registered.

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Do you know what happened to me my gp was very worried about my anxiety levels because of my own health problems heart and lungs and put me in touch with nhs and was told " sounds like your grieving sorry we don’t help with that " i then found out that co op funeral service who dealt with my wife’s funeral who was absolutely brilliant offered it free charge as many sessions as I wanted i only had 2 found it upsetting as keep going over things decided to stop

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Ah … good … well you might hear soon then … hang on in there ! I know its not a magic wand but i found it helped me come to terms with it a little bit more x

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Thank you @Deb5 From your posts you haven’t had it easy.

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No i havent … its been tough … continues to be tough most days like for you … its a hard road … hardest one i been on … at least my little monkey puppy makes me smile :slight_smile: x

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I understand, I feel the same.
Lost my husband in February.
My sister lost her husband 5 years ago, she says the same.
Sometimes, often really, I have dats when I don’t want to live anymore, it’s a real struggle.
I know that he would want me to.
My thoughts are with you.

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Nobody seems to respond to my postings even though i sometimes start them off oh well wont bother anymore

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I am sure it is not intentional. You were so lucky to get counselling with co op. Sorry not been feeling great last few days or I would have replied. Xx. Sandra

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The Co op have helped me a lot to Bill.
I had a couple of sessions with them but I was lucky with my GP, he arranged counseling for me within 2 weeks. Sorry you are having it so tough.
I lost my husband, in February. Still it seems like a bad dream, some days are harder than others.
My thoughts are with you. X

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