When my wife passed away some weeks ago, my daughter, grieving for her Mom, helped me to deal with the paperwork, arranged the funeral erc. The hardest job we found was sorting out Rose’s personal items. I kept getting upset so every now and then we would put more items into boxes. Today, a neighbour helped me to take many of the boxes to charity, Rose lived the idea of charity shops and did what she could. We have both volunteerd from time to time. As lockdown happened it means my daughter is unable to visit for a while. So, my friend and I took the boxes . I was ok until the end of the return journey and then it hit me again. Once alone in the flat, the tears came until my head hurt. I found it was one of the hardest things to do since the funeral in September. There are still items to sort but I will not be in a hurry to do that. Everything came back and the sadness got me. Very difficult to deal with.
I still can’t get rid of anything. I know I have to sort my spare room out before Christmas as my son is moving in for a little while but Frankie’s wardrobe is in there. It’s too painful💙
It’s over a year down the line since I lost my Mum. I’ve lived in her house, as her carer for decades. I haven’t touched the vast majority of Mums possessions.
There is time to see to their stuff.
I fully Understand you, my wife died in February and still struggling, I have set my self a plan to deal with it from January
But were all different
Hi Malc --that was such a hard thing to do. I have tried to sort Davids belongings out but just end up abandoning it cause like you I know it will cause more tears but I feel I need to do it sometime --oh dear-isn’t this hard–sending love to you x
Thank you so much. Yes, it is very hard to do. I felt as though I was being somehow disloyal, guilty, all sorts of feelings. The charity shop were very grateful and she would want things to be put to good use but, I didn’t expect it to be as difficult as it was. While I was helping carry the boxes I was ok, people say “keep busy” because when I stopped it sort of hit home again.
My counsellor from Cruse said this might happen. He said take your time, do it when you are ready.
I am having to tackle Karen’s possessions a few at a time. I find it overwhelming to try and deal with too much in one go. There is no rush, but I cannot just leave everything as it was.
I appreciate some people here CAN leave everything belonging to their partner in place, please do not think I am knocking you, we all cope with bereavement in our own way
Yes we are all different and have to do what’s best for us in dealing with this new way of life.
You are both right. I think that I am going to leave doing the rest for a while. My daughter said to me that there is no rush and thanks both for your words and help.
My uncle died in April. My auntie and cousin are not ready to touch his things yet. My nana died in August. My gran had emptied her room and even pulled carpets out and things before the funeral had even happened. My grandad passed two weeks ago and was living in sheltered accommodation. His partner had no choice to sort through things. I basically took anything I could carry I wanted everything. I didn’t want a regret not keeping this or that. Everyone deals with thing differently you do what’s best for you. Don’t rush if your not ready. For me I wanted to be surrounded by their items. It keeps them close to me. I’ll sit and snuggle into my Nana’s jackets and I have items of furniture of my grandads up and in my sitting room so it feels like I’m in his house.