Pete's Den

Hi I haven’t posted on here before but reading about others’ experiences has really helped me to realise I’m not alone. My hubbie passed on 1 March after a very brief battle with cancer. Before he passed, he encouraged me to buy a business that we’d been helping a friend with. When he passed, I took the business on and have immersed myself in setting it up. Now it’s up and running, I’ve realised I haven’t even begun to process what happened and, having been so strong, I now feel like I’m falling apart, just when people think I should be feeling better, so I’m crying in private but trying to put on a smile for others. I’m not sure if this is what I should be doing but I don’t know how to grieve and, from what I’ve experienced so far, if I let the grief in, it’s absolutely debilitating.

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Hello Schubert

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It’s normal to try and stay busy after a bereavement, to then find the grief hits you at a later time. Thank you for reaching out, the community is here for you. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care, Rhi (Online Community Team)

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@Schubert. I wonder if this is a common pattern to grief. I’m 5 weeks on this journey and lately I’ve struggled more. Not sure if it’s being so busy at the beginning or the expectation that we should be improving by now. Sending hugs

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I’m sorry you find yourself here. Firstly, well done for getting a business up and running. No easy feat.
I too keep myself very busy and occupied or , like you, I wouldn’t function. But this is my method to keep control. Some days I am ambushed and I give in to those days.
I cry whenever and with whoever I am with. I won’t stop the tears and they still come daily.

I’m 3 months in and the days are getting lighter. They are not all raw and consuming.

Keep talking on here. Let out your grief whenever you need too, however you need to. Don’t be afraid to let people know it’s hurting and your not ok.

It’s only been weeks for you and me. It’s early days. You lost something amazing, your life has changed beyond your comprehension.

It really is ok to not be ok.


Hi. I am not sure we can ever really comprehend what we are all going through. But when the little glimmers of hope come we have to remember those on the tough days. I’ve noticed a pattern recently whereby I can have a good day, as in very few tears, followed by a terrible day. But I suppose 8 weeks ago it would have just been non stop terrible days, although I struggle to even know where those days went. It sounds daft but my eyes cry now rather than the early days where my whole body seemed to cry.


Thank you for your kindness. Grief is so unfamiliar and I really don’t know what’s “normal” so it’s reassuring to hear that other people are feeling the same way. I pray things will get better for you x