Photos/videos of loved ones

I recently had to get a new phone and to my surprise/shock a hundred or so pictures and videos downloaded onto it of me and my girlfriend dating back 15 years. I’m too scared to look at them. Would it help to look through them or not? Does anyone have advice ?

Everyone is different. I do look at the pictures and videos of my husband - some taken only a few days before he was killed. It breaks my heart and leaves me sobbing. He is so alive and playing so happily with our little grandson who he was devoted to. It is so emotional but it is all I have left now.

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I still find it so hard to look at pictures and I know I could not look at our wedding video yet. I am going to have it put on a CD but I know I will be overwhelmed when I hear Ron’s voice.
It is 2 and a half years for me now but photo’s still tear my heart to shreds especially holiday photos. It is like he is stood right in front of me but I cannot get near enough. I never will ever again.

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Dear @Seventiesboy,
@Sheila26 is right, everyone is different. I have two A4-sized pictures of my wife on the wall above our mantlepiece, I have scanned our wedding day photos from 1996 and copied them on to my phone and look at them every night before I go to bed. I have also copied various other photos taken over the years on to my phone, and any video clips I have where my wife appears or she is heard speaking. It’s a double edged sword - they can make me feel sad, tearful, heartbroken, yet I am also so glad I can still see her face and hear her voice. For me, it helps to keep her alive in my head and in my heart.

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Like @Sheila26 and @Alston56 I am copying any available photograph onto my phone, a quick swipe and she and she is there. Any viewing is tinged with sadness, but I’m so glad it is relatively easy to do

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Richard do you think it’s therapeutic or negative ? I can’t decide what to do

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Hi Seventiesboy,

I mostly think it helps (though it will almost certainly make you cry). Not long after my husband died I had two A3 canvases made from photographs - one of him laughing with silly glasses on and one with our little granddaughter. Sometimes it helps to look at them and sometimes it is too painful. It is over two years for me now and I still cry a lot (even though I know he wouldn’t want me to). It is so hard adjusting to this new life, but sometimes the photographs help.

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@Seventiesboy
It is definitely something that I need to do, although scrolling through the photos can reduce me to tears, it is nice to have them and the memories so close to hand.
I note from your profile that you used to cycle, whilst it can be difficult to find motivation, getting outside in the fresh air and countryside on a bicycle or for a walk will do wonders for your well-being

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Dear Alston,

I totally agree with you. When we married in 1967, we had a cine reel taken of our wedding, no sound but it shows me leaving my childhood home with my dad, getting into the wedding car on our way to Church to marry the love of my life. Many years ago I had it put onto a video as we then had a video machine (which I still have in a cupboard somewhere), after Peter died I had the video put onto a CD which I uploaded to my computer and added the music of the era, the 1960’s to the CD. I then transferred it to Memory sticks and made one for our sons and grandchildren.

I love to see my 21 year old husband and myself, coming out of the church, kissing, being covered in confetti and all our family and friends around us having our photos taken and then leaving for the reception and then going on our honeymoon to the Lake District. Sadly, I am the only one left, everyone has now passed away.

I used to cry when I watched it but now I smile, there is still that lump in my throat, the knot in my stomach and I wonder how on earth it has come to this. We were not supposed to get old, we were not supposed to be left on our own because we were young and had our whole lives in front of us.

Where did those years go, it only seems like yesterday that my Peter walked up to me and asked me to dance.

I also have a memory stick of Peter walking and talking when we visited our son on the birth of our granddaughter 16 years ago, shortly after, Peter was diagnosed with his illness.

If I could have had two lifetimes I would relive my second one the same as my first but knowing then what I know now and perhaps, just perhaps, Peter might have still been here with me.

xxxx

Dear Sheila / @Lonely,
I lost count of the number of times I read your post, it is so, so touching. These recorded memories become so much more precious as the years go by. I hope your sons (and grandchildren) appreciate your efforts to preserve those memories. We have a wedding video stored somewhere too, thought it might be with the wedding photos, but no such luck. I need to try to find it, but I can’t find the motivation to do so at the moment, takes me all of my time to drag myself out of my armchair during the day. We still have our old VCR too (modern technology!), and I only hooked it up to the TV again a few weeks ago in the hope that I would have found our wedding video by now. Just another one of the items on the list of things I need to do, but sooner rather than later.

Your comment “…and I wonder how on earth it has come to this” really touched a nerve. I tell my wife every night that our lives weren’t supposed to end like this, that we were supposed to have more years together and time to enjoy ourselves again, time for US (our last few years have been quite difficult financially because I had to stop working). If only…

Now all I have to remind me of our days together are these precious photos and video clips. I so hate this new life.

Alston xx

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I know what you mean about the US time. Our children are coming towards the end of their university studies over the next couple of years so we were looking forward to more time for US. It was snatched away and I still don’t know why. We had so much more to do and now it’s gone. Sorry - just having a really bad day.

Oh Alston,

Thank you so much for your lovely comments, it is really appreciated.

I think about the time Peter and I met so very often but I still cannot get it through my head that we were once so very young and now I am an old lady. In my mind I am still that young girl who fell in love with her 18 year old boyfriend so many years ago, who still loves rock n roll music and plays it every day. I don’t know if this makes sense to you or not but to me it does make sense, I feel as if I am now living in a time where I don’t belong anymore, I belong in the past where I was happy with Peter. The past is more relevant to me than the present.

Love.

Sheilaxx

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Oh dear Jules4 . We all have bad days. Hope tomorrow is a better one.x

I lost my husband 5 months ago but I have surrounded myself with his pictures so wherever I am in the home he is there with me, sometimes I can look at smile at him but majority of the time I am just reminded of all the happy times we had and will not have anymore and that is heartbreaking. Xx

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I didn’t realise life could be this hard…I can’t bear to view the pictures.

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