Physical Grief

Hi Kim and All. The basic cause of exhaustion can be put down to anxiety and or PTSD. If you have seen your GP and been declared well physically then tiredness and exhaustion can only be stress related. Everyone on here has suffered a life trauma. It’s what a loss such as ours is, a major trauma and it’s not easily seen off. Panic attacks, exhaustion, physical pains with no apparent medical cause all add up to anxiety. Without fear there can be no anxiety. But in grief there is always fear. Fear of the unknown, of the future. ‘What will I do without them?’ Then we may panic.
It happens that anxiety can come and go. One day we may feel better, the next day in the pits. Seeing your GP is essential to your well being. Even if you don’t want medication they can often help with advice. When you feel up to it counselling can help a lot. Talking your thoughts and feelings out to someone who can be objective is a big step forward. Bottling up emotions can lead to real physical problems, and that’s why emotions should be allowed to come. Try not to be afraid of emotions. It’s Nature’s way to help with stress.
Take care of yourself and take it slowly and as easily as you can.
Blessings. John.

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Thank you Sheila, wise words.

I used to scream into cushions, I was a wounded animal and did not know which way to turn. Everything happens at once, you lose your loved one and before you know it there is the funeral director knocking on your door asking you to choose a coffin for your husband, the flowers to choose, the death certificates to collect, then the vicar calls round to ask you to give him information about your husbands life, what songs he would like and all the time you are in a daze. There are so many things I would have done differently at the beginning if I had only been given time to think about it. Peter and I had eight years to get used to his terminal illness but when the person concerned will not acknowledge what is happening and refuses to talk about anything relating to death I decided on my own, what songs and flowers etc. to choose but I didn’t write it down and everything went out of my mind. I remember just sitting there whilst all this chatter was going on in the background so I left the music to our sons, they picked out Peter’s favourite songs but I would have liked to have chosen the song they were playing when we first met in 1964 but I was not in the right frame of mind to even think about it.
I am not leaving anything to chance when it comes to my funeral and have written a letter to our sons and it is with my will and Power of Attorney and it states that when I die I want certain songs playing at my funeral, the songs I would have chosen for Peter’s funeral. I have written down which flowers I want and where to scatter mine and Peter’s ashes. I have told them I want my nails and hair doing and to ensure my teeth are in, I refuse to leave this world not looking glamorous I don’t want Peter thinking I have let myself go when I next see him.
Love to all.


Love reading your posts amazing lady sad as it is but your right I had no choices apart from his coffin for Micks funeral to many restrictions Covid 19 lockdown. I’ve done a lot of thinking since like you I have paid, planned my funeral made my will so my children don’t have to worry when I join Mick one day xx

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Dear Kim,
Thank you Kim, I honestly don’t know how many of you recently bereaved people on the forums have coped during this Covid19 lockdown. Six years ago this wasn’t happening but I still felt as though I wasn’t given the time to think, everything was rush, rush, rush but at least I could get on a bus and nip into town for afternoon tea, just for a break without bothering about mask wearing. Losing a loved one and having to contend with all these restrictions must be absolutely horrendous and my heart aches for you all.


Hi yes i know the feeling x

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“No-one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.” C.S.Lewis

It really does, doesn’t it? I posted something on these lines last year as a way of coping that I found helped a bit. Slow your breathing down, think of a sound you like, a song, a line of poetry, the sound of the sea and look at something beautiful in your surroundings. It isn’t a cure but a few people seem to have found it helpful when the feelings overwhelm us.

Hope this might help, we all need to know that we’re not alone xxx


Yes, can confirm that breathing exercises and listening to sounds that calm you down does help. I would stand on the beach with my eyes shut and listen to the waves and recite words that helped me. I used nature as a form of therapy and again with eyes shut listened to the bird songs. Really can be fascinating listening to their morse code to each other. Yoga and pilates also proved helpful or going for a walk. At times my heart would be hammering away but all these things brought it back to normal. xx

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Hi. Jeannie. I would go further than C.S.Lewis and say that grief IS fear. In most of my posts I have said that when we are in state of grief we become anxious about so many things, Anxiety is always fear based. If there is no fear there can be no anxiety. But we are fearful aren’t we? Fear of the future without our loved ones. Fear of who will we talk to who will understand. Fear of maybe not being able to cope, of almost anything that we never feared before. Loss opens our emotions wide and we mourn without any clear view of the future. Who would not be fearful?
I agree with you about switching thoughts to better things. But it’s not always possible in the early stages of grief. We have to re-learn so much we may have forgotten
Take care. John.

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Thank you for your kind words you are correct it’s hard…and very frightening experience, it’s hard to cope but the hurt goes on…
Janet x

You sound very wise John. I have had lots of emotions throughout my life but don’t remember ever feeling fear like this. I had better going on the calming breathing app !

Hadn’t thougt about it that way John, but I can agree with what you’re saying. Fear of the future without them, fear of not having a reason to be.

I’ve tried the breathing and listening and walking - it may be too early for me, but I don’t want to stop trying


Hello, I also lost my husband 3 months ago I can feel fine one min then floods of tears and desolate.How to overcome the grief I dont know.x

Hi very sorry for your loss. I lost Mick to cancer during Covid 19 5 months ago you will have roller coaster of emotions I can’t lie. Hope you have support around you xx

Very sorry for your losses Kim and Sue.
My husband died from cancer too 3 months ago. I wonder when I will have a day without crying. I can only hope that feeling fine times increase and the desolate times decrease, but it will take time as we have lost a huge part of our lives.
Sadly, I have no answer but keep talking and asking for support💕

Hi. Sue and Welcome. Three months is no time at all, and let floods of tears come. Emotions will come out for some time. Don’t think you shouldn’t have them. It’s Nature’s way of helping relieve stress. You can’t ‘overcome’ grief, but you can go through the pain, and it’s a very painful one, with just a little hope in your heart. Twenty months ago when my wife died I too wished I could go, but I have weathered the worse part of the storm, but still have my moments when the tears come. We never ‘get over it’. That’s not possible, can we can learn to live with it. Your pain is great at this moment, so words will seem inadequate. It’s so good you have come here and I have no doubt you will have more replies. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. I hope you have some support at home.
Blessings. John.

True my tears flow every day sometimes hits from nowhere when I’m driving shopping etc I’m not breaking down every second but always on my mind my heart aches like mad. It’s doing things without them gets to me or going back to our empty home. Love to all x

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