Physical pain of grief

Hi everyone. I am sitting here on my own, as I lost my partner 5 weeks ago. I have this awful pain, which has me in a vice like grip across my heart and chest.

My stomach churns, my heart thumps and I wish it would ease. I have no family, but have many good friends. They are doing their best, but I feel I have become very clingy and I hate myself for it. I live for our arrangements (normally meeting for coffee etc) and if anyone cancels, I feel like freaking out. They dont realise this, as I would hate them to feel guilty and I don’t want to be a pain.

When I go out I feel unbearably lonely. I just don’t know what to do. I know you will all understand. Xx

Hi Topsy
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband just 8 weeks ago and now exactly what you are saying…the physical pain is easing slowly, except when I cry, I feel like I am drowning, pain in my chest, mt throat closing, can’t get a breath.

I feel so lonely going to the supermarket, even though my husband never came with me but now shopping for one just says ‘you’re on your own now’.

All through my husband’s cancer and his other illness’s that caused him to go blind…we kept to the ‘one day at a time’ philosophy, so I am trying to apply the same now…not easy but sometimes it works.

I’m sure your friends won’t think you’re a pain if you tried to explain how cancelling makes you feel…I don’t know any words to really make you feel better, this is the worse hell ever …take care x

Your comment about feeling lonely even in places where your husband wouldn’t have been with is SO how I feel, particularly when I’m driving anywhere.
I suppose it is knowing that I can’t just ring him up if I’m stuck.
It’s 14 weeks now but that is a small blip in time after 53 years.

I’m almost relieved to see your posts as I thought I was going mad because the supermarket still freaks me out. I have had to get out quickly before now because I have been crying so much. I feel my heart pounding and the tears just won’t keep away. My husband rarely came into the supermarket because I dislike shopping and just wanted to rush round. He would go and have a coffee somewhere and we would meet up when I had finished. Now when I feel the anxiety getting the better of me I speak to him and ask him to walk round with me, give me strength. I’m gradually getting better. Went into a supermarket last week that was the last one we went to together, the last time he drove the car… It was a struggle but I got round with his help.