I feel so I’ll physically. Aching, fatigued, nauseous. I went to see my husband at the chapel of rest yesterday. Every last bit of raging cancer was visable in his face. I am bereft and trying to let it go. My head hurts, it’s going to be difficult to get dressed, shower today. I am just about to take the paracetamol. I don’t feel like facing people today. I am lucky, I have grown daughters, I have no youngsters to organise. I am alone in my house and the pain inside is unbearable x This is a place I can be negative and it’s such a help to throw it all down in text. My love and regard goes to all of you x I am so sorry for your losses x x
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Cinders21, I’m sorry you lost your husband. It is clearly very early days for you.
I found that grief hit my body hard. (I lost my Mum. I was her long term carer.)
Rest when you can. I found going to bed an hour earlier helped. My GP told me to eat, as the body gets exhausted very quickly when grieving.
Take care.
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Hi Cinders
It’s my dads funeral tomorrow and I’m in denial. I too found this site and I’m able to let all my feelings out as I also have grown up children and I can’t bare letting them see me so broken so I keep it in. They have seen me cry but I could cry continually so I try to act at least a bit ok. How long have you been together? I’ve lost half a stone in 2 weeks I’m just able to pick mainly crisps and crackers that’s all I can stomach.
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Hi Cinders I also feel awful physically. So tired all the time, panting after the effort of a shower. i used to be well groomed but haven’t washed my hair for almost two weeks. I lost a lot of weight (not sure how much but my pants almost fall down now every day, just should get new but can’t be bothered). I have spots, got some kind of thing (maybe a coldsore not sure but never had one before) on my lip. headaches, shaking a lot and sometimes can’t get my breath. Also keep having pains in my back and neck, actually all over when I think about it. I had two periods in three weeks (just rubbing it in that I’ll never have my husband’s child) when normally I had a really regular cycle of 28 days. Grief is a very physical thing too on my experience.
I used to take good care of myself but seem to have lost almost every part of my old life and don’t feel like self care as I half hope I just die (I wouldn’t kill myself but not trying very hard to stay alive). I read that “widows” (i imagine all very grief stricken people) have a much higher chance of dying in the three months following their loved ones death and to be honest can feel why.
I hope you can make yourself feel better somehow or that someone helps you. Take care x
Same. Feel absolutely dreadful. Headaches, neck and back ache, lumps under my armpits, feel sick constantly, upset tummy, and constantly tired and zero energy. Thankfully I wasn’t like this 5 weeks ago when I still had my lovely husband to care for. Before cancer stole him from me. Cant imagine a day when I will feel well. I dont even want to try and make myself look or feel nice. I only cared what my husband thought of me. The pain of grief is so overwhelming 
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@Penny7 I hope the funeral goes ok as it can tomorrow and that you hear some nice stories about your dad from others. It is all so hard isn’t it, I wish you strength and calmness to deal with this milestone. take care x
Hi Penny7. 5 years together, married in August and then diagnosis 14 days before he died. My amazing daughters keep putting food in front of me so I guess it’s.not lack of.food for me x Its.the most.confusing feeling x x Shock at the speed, He was.60,.far.too.young x.x.
I’m tired constantly. But can’t sleep. I leave the TV on all night as I can’t bear the silence. I get a couple of hours and wake up my heart is racing. The pain in my chest is constant. I try not to think about what I’ve lost because then I can’t stop crying but I want to think about him. Cancer is so cruel and so unfair. Like you Nikki2 I wasnt like this looking after him. I guess you make them your priority. Hugs to all x
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TinaG,
I had a pain in my chest for a very long time. I won’t say how long, but it did worry me. It’s now thankfully gone. I think when grieving ones got to listen to ones body and try and look after it, as well as one can.
My husband, Steve, died April 2019. I can honestly say that I have never felt so unwell. Tired, palpitations . To be honest I feel awful. Would love to be able to sleep. I’ve tried tapes, night nurse, Dormesan, wine. I frequently wake up at two am, crying. I really don’t know what to do.
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Hello Montague.
I’m so sorry to hear your are feeling unwell.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
Please consider getting in touch with your GP, I know it’s very difficult at the moment trying to see your doctor, but a video call may just offer you some help and comfort.
I’m unsure if you have had any counselling, but Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.
Continue to communicate on the forum, as I’m sure you will get so much support and friendship.
Take care, stay safe,
Audrey,
Online Community team
Sending you so much love Montague. The pain is so awful and sadly, every one on here feels as rubbish as the next one. But hopefully you will find some comfort in this group. I know I have. It sounds selfish and horrible to say this but knowing someone else is also going through this and knows and understands how you feel, really does help. I hope that hasn’t come out too wrong and I I sincerely wish we were not going through this hell.
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It’s just so hard isnt it, so very very distressing x it.hurts me knowing that you are all feeling like this x 6 days to my Steves funeral and, I just cannot believe this is happening. I am grateful for our time and I wpuld still choose hime even if I knew I was going to lose him. In an odd way, I did know or.I always feared but not so speedily x However, I also feel spared of what could have been a hard journey but cheated that we didn’t get a long journey x my heart goes out to all of you x
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Hi Cinders
After Jack died and here was always something wrong with me : I started wheezing, I had problems with my hip, I used to fall down quite a lot , headache, tiredness etc etc it seems these is all normal and happens to most often f us.
2 years on my sleep is very disturbed and my comfort eating just now is getting better! Most people when I sad loose weight! Not me
From the books I have read - all these symptoms are still guns that we have lost our balance and our stability. Our brain needs to make sense of it all and this is why we get so tired because we need to slow down
Rest when you need to rest ! Do what you want
Two years on I still feel tired, impatient and I know is going to take a while to feel better . Grieving is simply exhausting!!!
Look after yourself Cinders
Sadie x
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Thank you Sadie, I am eating all the wrong things too x I will get on top of it, when I don’t know x x All the love x
Cinders, eventually we will feel a bit more in control
There is so much to get used to
Sadie x