Picking mum's ashes up today

Hi. My mum died on the 9th of January to complications with alcoholism. She was the only family I have the rest have also emigrated to heaven. I went to pick her ashes up today and have to say I feel so comforted having her with me.
This is her urn I picked, there’s also some of her ashes in the little gold heart and it disconnects from the big heart so you can hold it and take it places with you. I don’t know why but I felt I had to share this IMG_20200219_151149|375x500

So sorry about your mum. Nothing wrong with sharing. That image is not available though for some reason.
How did you feel picking what is literally your mum? I have mum’s ashes at home in a lovely box covered in a beach scene. As soon as I saw the box I knew it was perfect and summed up what mum loved so much in life. I was however, incredibly strange to carry mum in a bag back to my car to go home. That was the most precious cargo I’ve every carried. I have her watch sat on top of her box alongside a luggage tag for her favourite family holiday destination, St Martin’s, Isles of Scilly. Next to it I have flowers and a serpentine lighthouse which she bought on holiday many years ago in Cornwall, another favourite. In the front of the box I have a plaque with the words ‘I’d rather be in Scilly’ written on it and on the back she wrote that she’d bought it in 2015 on the way there.
I sometimes just stare at the name plate on the top and the dates and wonder how it all came to this. I sometimes talk to her too.

Mums also in a scatter tube with the sea and sunset pictured on it. I find the whole concept Just awful. That this is what we have left. She is on my side unit in the front room next to a photo of us. Anc I always put a little vase of flowers next to her and a candle. I hate this is all I have now. Very surreal. The majority of mums ashes were scattered at sea on the Isle of Wight. But she hated being alone so me my brother and my dad all have some each which we keep close to us.

Jooles, my Mum hated to be alone too.

Hi to both of you and thank you so much for your replies. I don’t know why the image is not coming up. It was so strange to be holding her in the palms of my hands but in a way I felt relieved that she was coming home with me and my family it’s where she said she wanted to be. I was the same as soon as I saw the urn I just knew it was right it’s a big love heart with a small one inside and you can take the small one off and hold it. I know what you mean I was so scared to drop her on the way home! That sounds really nice what you’ve done for you mum, I have my mum on a shelf with a few bits of hers it’s quite comforting to know she’s finally at peace with herself. My mum also loved Cornwall. It does feel a little surreal and strange that my mum is in a container, I keep looking at it and picking it up, it’s just so strange

I’ve got to pick up my mums ashes on March 7th. I’m already terrified. We’re scattering her ashes in 2 places so have asked for 2 tubes. Because of the way life has been the last couple years we have my grandfather’s, my dad’s and his dog’s ashes all to scatter too. All feels very bleak!

Hi scarlet
When we scattered my mums ashes in october, we also scattered my dads ashes, which my mum had held onto for 21 years and my grandmothers adhes which my mum had held onto for 23 years.
All that time we just didnt know what to do with them but with mum suddenly dying, it felt right that she had held onto them and all 3 were scattered together.
I always believe things happen for a reason and this was a great example of that.
Cheryl x

We’re scattering dad’s, grandad’s and the dog’s together in 2 places, where my dad was born and my nanny’s (grandmother’s) grave. The three belong together; they were three peas in a pod.

My mum’s (parents were divorced) are going on my brother’s and niece’s graves, both died as young babies.

I’ve never actually been there when someone scattered ashes… what do I actually do? Sorry maybe a silly question but how else do I find out? Are we supposed to say something? When are you supposed to do it? Who goes? Do you invite people or do you wait for them to ask? I have no idea.

It means quite a bit of travel around the country but I will make the most if visiting places and raising a glass in memory.

Scarlet
Most of your questions are your choice.
I wanted to scatter them at the cemetery where my grandparents are buried and my dad was cremated.
I contacted the office and was given a choice of days and times when we could come.
I, my partner, my daughter, my sister and her 3 children all attended. We didn’t invite any other family.
The 3 urns were given to the staff who transferred them into scattering urns, then we all gathered af our chosen spot which was in the garden of remembrance closest to my grandparents graves.
The staff member then scattered all 3 ashes on the grass and we each laid a flower.
We only stayed for a few minutes then left
It was a surreal event and none of us cried. But when I got home I was in tears for the rest of the day.
It cost 68 pounds to scatter them.
Of course if you scatter in a public place there wont be a charge but you have to be mindful of where you do it and who else is around. There is a guide online which helps. You cant just throw them over a sea wall for example.
We didnt make the event a big deal. It was a private moment for mums daughters and grandchildren.
We upset my aunt and uncle sho wanted to be there but they had been to the funeral and this was only intended to be a really private thing just for us.
Looking back it was only 4 months ago but feels so long and I’m glad we did it. The 3 sets of ashes are now laid to rest back in south London where they all were born and lived their lives, plus I’m not leaving 3 sets to my daughter if anything happens to me x

Thank you, so glad you shared your experience. It’s one of those things that I had never experienced. I think it will probably be just me and my brothers, maybe spouses but we can discuss. I like the idea of laying a flower.

We’re meeting soon to sort through mums kitchen… as an avid cook she has more gadgets and gizmos in a large kitchen. We can talk and discuss how we all want to scatter the ashes then.

I like the idea that your family are all together, feels like the right the to do- same with my dad, grandad and dog.

Have a good day and thank you

No problem scarlet. You will make the right choice x

1 Like
Back to top