Has anyone experienced the phase of end of life for a family member?
I lost my mum last year and Starting to feel I am coming out of grieve but now my grandmom who is 86 gone through something very traumatic. She fractured her leg, went into ICU had her surgery and came back home but she doesn’t eat anything, hallucinations happens all day long, she has become very weak and doctors don’t give a right answer. It is very troublesome to see her this way everyday moreover she thinks about people who are dead all the time and see god in her room. There have been times she talks well and remembers everything but somedays I feel she might be dying anytime. It leaves me in a state of confusion. The two ladies in my life are gone and my dad is eyeing another marriage which is hurting me more than anything. Can someone share their experience
Hi @Varun
Sorry to hear you are going through all this. Sending hugs of support.
My mom passed April 2021, she had brain tumours, as it was during COVID, we had to care for her at home, it was very traumatic , because of the tumours she wasn’t in her right mind, got things confused, couldn’t remember the words for things, & as it progresses she became bedridden, in her final days, we had to have care nurses to help.
It is horrendous to watch someone you care about suffering, & watching there condition deteriorate. I can only advise get as much support as you can, if the doctor isn’t giving you a straight answer, you have every right to ask for a second opinion, be persistent.
I’ll admit I’m not a doctor, & I’m no expert, but from what you’ve mentioned, your grandmom’s condition doesn’t sound good .
As for your dad wanting to remarry, this can be hard to go through, & hard to accept, as I don’t personally know you, or him, I guess it depends on how things are between you, were you close to your dad? Or is it that you feel it’s too soon after your mom’s passing? I agree, one year is not long in the grand scheme of things, but then maybe it depends on why he wants to marry so soon, where is he in his grief journey? Is he scared of being alone, or are there other reasons? How long has he known the person he wants to marry? Maybe talk to him about any concerns you have, or is this just more likely to cause arguments?
Hi @Pandaprincess can’t thankyou enough you wrote me this message, I have been very tired of everything in the last month and didn’t know whom to write.
I am sorry to hear about your mother too, it must’ve been tough.
Ik seeing my grandmom and taking care for her has affected me and I did consult other doctors but no one is giving a straight answer, based on reports it seems fine, old age and medication is what they say is the reason, I have got help and support but last year when I suddenly lost my mom the pain is still there I am just 25 years old and idk what to do. Should I pray to God to take her or hope she gets better which seems difficult.
Talking to dad is of no use, since mom passed away he is acting as if nothing happened I have lost my shit on him, had outburst and even pushed him when he told he want to remarry I am gonna run away from here and leave everything I feel but I am not ready yet, I tried therapy and I lost my shit on her too. It is too much to take but thanks for replying it felt better to talk to you
It sounds like post operative delirium. It affects the elderly due to the medications administered for the surgery. It’s can last for hours to months. Some physicians say it leads to dementia sooner. Ask your grandmother’s gp about it. My heart goes out to you and your grandmother.
Thanks for letting me know that, and it certainly feels like that but pretty difficult seeing her this way. I will again reach out to doctors but feels it might not be of any use.
Hi @Varun
I can hear how upset you are with everything, it’s understandable, it is a lot to cope with. It sounds like your angry & frustration needs an outlet. I sometimes find moments when I’m alone in the house, & just scream & shout to let it out, I’ve hurt my throat a few times doing this, but it does feel better to let it out, but you do what works for you.
As for the suggestion of running away, I can hear in your message how distressing your home life is with your dad, but what would running away accomplish? Do you have friends or siblings you could stay with while you sort out a more long term plan? Grief is never rational, please think it through, don’t let your dad’s choice to marry reck your life, at 25 you still have a whole life Infront of you, & I’m sure your mum would want better for you than that.
Ik she would have liked a better life for me, and I can’t stay with anyone else at the moment, ik i need to figure out some plan and I am not able to think clearly. I will try that way of shouting and walking in my therapy so I do that but its getting difficult and seeing grandmom like this is painful too. Hope God doesn’t let her suffer more
My grandmother passed away on Friday and it were signs of she is leaving, it was very unfortunate, but the acceptance is there, what I went through when my mom passed away was very difficult and this time I was able to handle it better, I just want to thank people who commented and helped me
sorry nto hear about this, maybe they will find out what she died of and that will help you a bit. as for your dad, maybe he is one of these people that just dont want to be on their own and maybe the l;ady is the same, depending on his age it cvould be for companion ship rather than anything else.
, because of the tumours she wasn’t in her right mind, got things confused, couldn’t remember the words for things, & as it progresses she became bedridden, in her final days, we had to have care nurses to help.