I’ve posted here a few times and everyone is so lovely.
I lost my partner 11 weeks ago and I’m struggling alot. Every morning I wake up empty, lost and in a daze. I have a 9 year old daughter who refuses to go to school and refuses to speak about her daddy which just adds to my heartbreak as I don’t know how to help her. I’ve agreed to move house as I’m struggling to go back home without my boy - I’ve not been home since he got taken poorly in November, I have been staying with my mum. However, now I am in the process of moving I am regretting it. I am so low and so lonely. He was my everything, my safe space and now I feel I have nothing.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, I lost my partner almost six months ago. The pain and sadness is unbearable. Are you really sure you want to move house just now if you’re staying with your mother? Moving is stressful under normal circumstances and you may feel differently about your own home in the months to come. Your daughter is obviously struggling as well. Maybe talk with your GP or her school to see if some support can be put in place. You’re very early on your grief journey and I wish I could say it gets easier. Losing a partner is devastating, it changes you as a person and completely distorts your world. Take care and keep posting.
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So sorry for your loss @KelMarie
I posted this last year but I thought the words might be of some help to you.
When you’re at a low point in your life, it feels like it’s never going to end, but it will; it always does. The hardest part is not believing the thoughts in your head that tell you it won’t. The mind is tricky. When you’re in pain, it tells you things that aren’t true. It whispers that you’ll always feel this way; that nothing will change; that you’ll never be happy again. But those are just thoughts; they come and go like passing clouds and just because a thought appears in your head doesn’t mean it’s true. You felt joy before. Maybe it’s been a while; maybe you don’t even remember what it feels like but if you felt it once it means you can feel it again. That part of you isn’t gone; it’s just buried right now, covered by everything you’ve been carrying.
Just do one small thing and then another, that’s how healing happens. That’s how you slowly climb out of despair. None of us are perfect, but we don’t need to be. We just need to keep going. Small things matter and each one is proof that you’re still here; still fighting. Healing doesn’t mean you have to fake a smile; it just means you allow yourself to feel without believing that the feeling will last forever, because no emotion lasts forever. The pain you are feeling right now, it won’t last forever either. Have you ever noticed how, when you’re in a dark place, your mind brings up every bad memory, every regret, every mistake? That’s because pain tries to convince you that it’s permanent. But think about this. If you’ve ever had a good moment in your life, even just one, that means good moments are possible. They didn’t disappear. And just as pain arrives unexpectedly, so does joy.
You’ve made it to this moment; you’ve survived everything life has thrown at you so far. You’ve endured unimaginable pain and somehow you’re still here and that means you’re stronger than you realise. Pain doesn’t mean you’re weak; struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. They mean you’re alive, and as long as you’re alive, there’s still room for something beautiful to come into your life. Right now, it doesn’t feel that way. Right now, it feels impossible, but the day will come when you’ll look back at this moment and realise you made it through. You survived the days you thought you wouldn’t. You kept going even when everything inside you told you to stop. That is strength and no one can take that away from you.
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KelMarie my heart breaks hearing your situation. Don’t shy away from asking for help for you and your daughter. Now is the moment you need any support you can get. I really hope you find help soon.
Wishing you all the strength you need
Tom
It’s almost 6 months since I lost my husband. My 8 year old grandson really struggled at school when my husband died as they were very close .The school sorted some counselling out for him . They helped him do a memory box which has helped him . You could ask the school for some support.
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That’s a lovely post , so inspiring
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Dear Kelmarie
Think again about moving out of your mom’s, I wish I still had mine to stay with. It’s been 8 months since I lost my wonderful husband and I know I can’t live in our house again. I’m staying with my daughter until the house sells and I find somewhere new. I love the house, my husband worked so hard to make it our dream home but without him in it it’s not home anymore.
My grandson had six weeks counselling at school which really helped. I think because he knew he was safe saying what he thought without upsetting anyone.
You have so much to deal with at the moment, take any help offered and stay where you feel safe x
Thank you so much for this. X
@KelMarie we are all here for you. keep posting. I lost my partner 2 months ago today and also on this horrible journey. Thinking of your daughter have you heard of Winston’s Wish (hoping you are UK). They are a bereavement charity for children and I went to a talk by them once - they seemed wonderful. It might help her to be around other children experiencing the same (and we are here because we need that too). They might have some really good advice for you too. I work in a sixth form college and sadly young people do lose parents early and all are different how they cope. A couple of years ago I had 3 students out of a group of 22 in my tutor group who had lost mums in the first year of college to cancer. They did have wobbles but got through it and all did well. Two wanted to talk and one didn’t.
we are here for you x
Thanks @Wilson9 lovely words. I am amazed I have got thru the last 2 months x
Thank you for your lovely reply. Could I possibly message you?
Yes please do. I normally check in mornings and evenings. its a really safe space and feel free to say anything you like. No judgement. It is so tough x
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