I’m needing someone to talk to about life and fulfilment and the realisation that at a certain point in life, you cease to matter
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@Lasselante
You can talk to everyone on here. Just keep writing things down it might help. We have all been in the depths of despair, confusion, inability to see or even want a future. It is part of grief and grief makes the experience of getting older an awful lot more painful, anxiety inducing and at times meaningless. Tell us more about your situation and then there will probably be many people who can relate…and empathise, everyones stories are different but there are many similar emotions.
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Can you tell us a little more about what has happened? X
I am 63, which really isn’t that old, but because I can’t work (not an excuse, it’s genuine), I can’t financially contribute to the economy. And I don’t provide anything to anyone, as I don’t see my granddaughter, and my son and daughter have blocked me from all communications. I have tried so many ways to do something that might pay back the community that supports me, but I’m stuck out in the depths of the country with no transport and can’t even volunteer, no matter how many times I’ve tried and been turned down. To be alone and useless is possibly the worst place to be
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Please don’t give up looking as I am sure there are voluntary organisations out there that would welcome you with open arms. Do you have a computer? There must be many online roles which need people like you. What about telephone befriending? I know someone who phones people on behalf of Age UK and she finds it a very fulfilling thing to do. X
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I do keep looking - I have many skills that I could use to help others learn, like teaching, maths and even piano playing. But I’m autistic, and that makes me a difficult person to interact with. I have tried offering these skills, offering to read to blind people or lonely people in homes that need this, but have been turned down. In the past, I have been turned down from giving blood, adopting, fostering and even donating my eggs. It is as if II’m cursed. I can’t even give anything away. Now though, of course, I am stuck at home, and maybe I’ll check out the online volunteer possibilities, but I’m at a point where I daren’t hope anymore
I should mention that my hearing has deteriorated and I can’t use a phone. I can, however, type on a laptop.
@Lasselante
I’m a similar age and have no kids (& now no husband) and I live rural too. I do work, but from home and alone in what was our business. The loneliness can be isolating. But you’ve found a community here. One you can contribute to from home. Spend time reading around and supporting or sharing your feelings with others. It is surprising how quickly you feel ‘close’ to people and we can all help each other. It’s a start and may slowly help. Sometimes just slight shifts can make someting else unexpected happen.
Oh and heck I have sympathy with your hearing issues!!! I wear hearing aids and am scarily useless without them. I hate using phones. Do you have hearing aids?
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I think something online would suit you perfectly then. Do keep looking and don’t give up. What about the local W.I or the village community centre or your local church?
No - I’ve been trying to get help with my hearing for years now, but not been successful
The village I live in has been coloured by the rumours that always circulate when anything dramatic goes on. I have been painted as a mental case after my husband left (he was abusive and it took a lot of pain to get to where he left), and I tried to end my life. Most people around here don’t understand mental health problems and my neighbour, who has been lovely for years turned on me after he left saying I should be “expletive” locked up in a mental home. Because my neighbour has many friends and I have none, and because everyone loved my husband (I do still), I have been labelled as the instigator of everything and the woman that lied about abuse
Oh dear, that is difficult. I guess that is the problem with village life. Rumours spread quickly and are difficult to shake off. But you come across as a lovely person and I am sure there are many people out there who would be honoured to be your friend. Do think about approaching your local church. I am not especially religious but I am sure you would get plenty of support from that area. X
@Lasselante
If you can at all, do try again. I started by going to my GP and they referred me to the hospital for a hearing test and then you can get NHS hearing aids. Tell your GP it is a real problem for you and means you are finding it difficult to cope with everyday life. They really should refer you. I had become really withdrawn and hated going out and interacting with people and getting hearing aids made quite a difference. They don’t fix it completely (like say getting glasses can) but it does make things easier. I think hearing aids just need a re-brand … if glasses were called “seeing aids” people wouldn’t want them!
By the way, I used to be a piano teacher at home and in schools. Perhaps you would consider taking on a few pupils at home? It’s very satisfying teaching complete beginners.
I figure that you are from the US. The Church around here is a very small community that has no influence or social activities. I used to attend, but no longer do that, but my neighbour (yes, THAT one) is a significant figure in the church. Even if there was something I could do to help, it would not go down well. Our village has a small shop run mostly by the stall-holders that display their items. I volunteered to work there if anyone couldn’t reach their requirements for having a stall, and had zero interest. I offered maths lessons and piano lessons to the local community, and the same there.
I am from Hertfordshire, UK. Do you have transport? Could you maybe join something a bit further away where you could start afresh with new people?
I totally understand and agree. Perhaps hearing aids would help me - I’d like to think that they could. But my hearing problems isn’t all volume - it’s a form of aural dyslexia that means I can’t tell what people are saying if they speak quickly or have an accent, so that all the sounds blur into the next. I have been unable to continue a Spanish course because of the aural requirement. I used to sit there and feel totally ignored whilst everyone else heard the words and tried to interpret them as best they could. I heard this year of a thing called Aural Processing Disorder, which apparently is something autistics suffer from occasionally, and it sounds very similar to how I her. But I will ask my doctor for help with my hearing (as the volume isn’t where it should be anyway) as soon as they help me with my current problem
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Of course I would! I don’t know how to find these guys, that’s all!
I don’t have transport, but I AM making plans to move away from this totally isolated area. It’s only that I’m still, for the moment, here on my own, feeling this way, that is getting me down
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Yes, it sounds like you need a fresh start. The world is your oyster, as they say. I really hope you find what you are looking for. Please keep us updated. X