I translated my daily feelings into poetry as i came to terms with my loss of a loving partner of 22yrs through cervical cancer.
…
I like to say the 5th of May was when my partner passed away,
Upto now a year has passed its got no easier it’s here to last.
It’s hard to think that she has gone,
It’s harder if you think it’s wrong,
At 42 her life’s cut short,
To double that is what I thought,
She’d easily reach that ripe old age,
To write her book ide miss that page.
And add it to her younger age ,
When life was dancing on the stage.
So why did she not have a say on,
When she’d reach her final day.
But what made cheryls death so sad was stage 4 cervical cancer she had.
So ladies take your smear when offered,
Cause Cheryl and I 3yrs we suffered.
…
My start in life was not round here,
Newcastle was my home,
But now I’ve spent 20yrs in washington where I roam,
Now I wonder what is left,
A hopeless future at its best,
A big part missing cruelly took,
Plucked from life with a baited hook,
20yrs and it ends this way,
With no one by my side today,
3years ago and all was fine,
A loving family spending time,
We had our problems all families do,
Without a challenge you won’t get through,
But one big problem had us beat,
Cervical cancer we had to greet,
The biggest upset was it’s stage,
The worst stage 4 was off the page,
We just knew it was so bad,
There was no magic spell we had,
So all I could do for my love,
Was go beyond and up above,
We were happy with what we had,
Our son still has his mam and dad,
The family bond worked well together,
It led us forward in life for ever,
When a problem came to light,
We managed to solve it and get it right,
The two of us we were a team,
So strong together it would seem,
We solved our problems we’d think it through,
As proud parents that’s what you do,
But that one day it all went wrong,
As the saying goes "it went Pete Tong ",
The nightmare started at the clinic,
Sat in reception with a look of panic,
Time stood still as the verdict was read,
All the results was everything you dread,
The feeling of real shock,
Never felt it before,
Such a kick in the face as we walked out the door,
That was the first of a catalogue of bad news,
It was now that the cancer would start to abuse,
Cheryl hung on and battled away,
But the cancer won over on the 5th of May.
…
My partner and I were never prepared for what the specialist doctor said,
We hoped the chemo worked but dread to tell you that the cancer spread,
Our palative nurse tried to dull the pain,
But time after time it was bad news again,
I just had enough of the pain being raw,
My impulse was to punch the sitting room door,
I needed some space to digest the bad news,
My love of my life I was soon to lose,
How do you deal with such a dialema,
My love Cheryl will last for Ever and Ever.
…
I am lost I am lonely I am hurt to the core,
My life was fantastic but now that’s no more,
I’ve been left with a hole that no one can fill,
No woman has it all like my lost love Cheryl,
I feel I’ve been punished,
I feel life is so wrong,
A sentence of bereavement is a punishment to strong,
I may come out stronger and deal with the pain,
But one thing for sure I can’t go through this again.
…
Time has gone slow and I’ve lost the way,
Neglecting myself even more every day,
My confidence shot,
I don’t have much go,
I can’t build up my energy,
And make my blood flow.
I’ve lost my belief,
On a future undone,
It’s sad how it happened,
The loss of some one,
That some one was loved,
More than they knew,
Life now without them,
Is one I’ll get through,
But I need to recover,
And look out for our son,
Fill in what is missing,
That would be Cheryl “HIS MUM”
… …
Is it about time I turned a corner,
And mix with more friends and not be a loner.
Grow with confidence push myself harder,
Nourish my body with trips to the larder.
Walk with my dog who I call Dora,
She’s a French bull dog your gonna adore her.
Fill my day with plenty of action,
It’s a great motivator and a helpful distraction.
Feel better in myself and people would know,
I’m back to reality with a smile and a glow.
Not to forget a past life on pause,
3years of bad trauma the probable cause.
Bringing up the horrors I saw,
The death of my partner who I miss even more.
The mother of our son and a good one at that,
But it’s the time missed with louie and where his life’s at.
We had so much to do,
And places to see,
Grow old together and cuddle with me.
So hard to forget and realise its no more ,
I love you so much and that love will just grow.
…
Thats just a snippet of what I have written.
But i hope it gives people the understanding of how important it is to have that smear.
I’m sure your poetry will bring comfort to others.