Stage 4 cervical cancer,
Is what she had,
A long line of cancers but this one was bad,
It wasn’t by choice not to be picked,
I would rather it was not ,
Every problem it ticked,
It silently grows inch by inch,
Week after week pound by pound it will pinch,
When treatment begins,
You prepare for hard times,
Losing your beauty,
Eyebrows and hairline,
They are the side effects everyone knows,
It’s the ones that you don’t,
Your bowels when that goes,
A cathata in place,
But not doing its job,
A trip to the toilet is enough for a sob,
With such a short trip,
No control as to grip,
Every step forward ,
Much more than a drip,
The pain is intense,
Constant at that,
To watch as a partner,
And catch with the mat,
I can’t make it better,
I would swap all-day long,
For a human to go through this,
It’s morally so wrong,
But it was the normal,
The same for 3 years,
Slow to progress ,
But lived up to your fears,
I was there for my lover,
I look after her dear,
Her dignity out the window,
My help was sincere,
She began to pass out ,
If only for a second ,
It felt a lot longer ,
More than she reckons,
You need to take notice,
It’s as serious as hell,
This is a true story,
One I must tell,
A girl who had everything,
But lost a lot more,
Her ability to walk,
Everything else was so sore,
Please answer your invite,
And go for your smear,
Don’t live your life worrying,
Everyday in total fear.
Aw … that is so moving. But sad … keep talking on here. We all understand xx
That was so powerful it really got to me. Im so sorry that she had to go through that awful illness and i am also sorry you had to witness it. Life is so cruel. By the way your a fantastic poet.
@Dorafrench very moving poem. My husband also had cancer and I understand all the dignity it robs. The disease & the treatments cause far more physical & emotional symptoms than people realise. Take care & keep chatting on here.
My husband never got any.treatment … they said he was too weak because it took them 3 months to even find the cancer … they didnt think he had it - our bloody wonderful NHS !!!
Thankyou all for the lovely feedback.
I find i can say more with poems and they have helped me to release my emotions instead of bottling them up.
Its been almost 2yrs since her passing and still i think so much of her and miss her so much.
She meant so much to me and our son.
The trouble was she was a good planner of everything to do with holidays ,birthdays,christmas and gifts to others and it was like that for 22yrs as a family unit.
We did everything together and didnt spend a day apart.
Find it so hard to value life
And its effected me so much to where im unsociable and guilty if i enjoyed a celebration.
I tend to not go to family or friends gatherings as i would be no fun at all.
Its hard going to anything without them isn’t it ? I find that too ! I feel like i lost my right arm because he was always close by supporting me … its so awful going to anything by yourself especially group things i find ! I think im better on a one to one tbh … just having a quiet chat with a friend or relation … i cant be bothered to be all merry and lively when i don’t feel like that xx
So true .
My son does American wrestling and has done for the past 2yrs .
It was a passion of his since a early age but no matter how much we tried to get him into some group as a kid ,he wouldn’t join anything.
My late partner didnt get to see him in the ring and if she did she would have been his no1 fan.
I have been to see him once and i feel bad that i cant motivate myself to go as it is run in a social club.
For one I dont drink as I had a history of drinking to much ,i dont want to go down that path as it will end in misery.
I used to be very socialable but i have lost the knack .
Most of all my partner should have been there with me.life at the moment is just not the same.
I sit in the house with my french bull dog Dora and i have one friend that calls now and again.
My son has his life with uni and wrestling so i live a quiet life.
I am in awe your ability to express yourself so beautifully. Writing my feelings is something I find so hard to do but I think my instinct is to bottle things up adn pretend I am ok. There is a wonderful scottish poet called Donna Ashworth, she has a website and is on instagram. She writes a lot about grief adn expresses it so well too
Such a heart felt poem x
That is so beautiful 