My husband may have passed over but he is still extremely inspirational to me. He was such a positive, kind and thoughtful person. He would always look at the positive in any situation.
Even his mum said a few days after his death that he wouldn’t be upset like I was and that he’d be out there living life and looking for positives in everything. That statement from her was a milestone for me in my grief journey.
We believe in spirituality, which probably helps. One night I was getting a bit maudlin and thinking about the things he’s gonna miss - like seeing the house we were renovating get finished, like enjoying our new home. But then it occurred to me that while I’m feeling sorry for him, he’s probably stood in the corner pitying ME! Because he’s reunited with his brother & other family members in a place of unconditional and unending love & joy. No stress, no negativity, no illness, no pain. And he’ll be right there with me so he’s not going to miss out on anything. We’re the ones to feel sorry for.
I also feel extremely grateful for the way that he passed because it was sudden. He wouldn’t have felt a thing. I call that a hood death. My mum also had a good death - she was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 months to live. She passed only 2 weeks later in her sleep and without pain (she’d given up & wanted to be with my dad who died 27 years earlier).
For those of us who can’t celebrate a good death, there’s the positivity that the person is now out of pain, fully restored, healthy and happy. My dad and my brother-in-law did not have a good death & so it was actually a relief when they did pass.
I’m not saying I’ve got this positivity thing mastered. I have my fails (I had a strike from the online moderators on this forum last Friday for posting about my suicidal thoughts) - Friday was one of the dreaded ‘firsts’. But it’s not how many times we fall that matters - it’s how many times we get back up.
Anyway, one thing that I’ve found helpful in my journey is meditation. It helps to quiet my mind & body and return to the present moment. Depression is looking back, anxiety is looking forward, peace is in the present.
I wanted to share a meditation that I found online which I hope will be as helpful to others as it has to me. It’s literally only 5 minutes that could change your day:
Paul is my inspiration so I’m just continuing his work. The fact that you’ve said that means that I’m on the right path.