It’s been 12 weeks since I lost my beautiful 23 year old daughter unexpectedly. I’ve really struggled these past 12 weeks but since the funeral on Monday, I’ve been at the lowest point I’ve ever been, I feel absolutely broken. Did anyone else experience the same following the funeral and was it temporary or is this it now?
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I’m so sorry about your daughter, @Michelleaw. I’m just giving your thread a gentle bump as can see you posted it a little while ago now.
Though grief feels endless, your child’s love will always live in you. Hold on to that love, and let it guide you with strength and hope."
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i lost my daughter leukemia
My experience is there are ongoing highs and lows - and I can’t necessarily work out particular triggers. Our daughter died suddenly 6 months ago and it still happens to me. When we were occupied - eg making funeral arrangements - this acted as a distraction even for a short while. I then tried to arrange to do something most days when at home. It’s a long and tough journey we are on, shared by most on this community. Sending hugs.
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The funeral was definitely followed by a low for me. Then I found my feet a little but now the ashes have arrived and that’s knocked me down again. I think there’s will be constant lows and oks (not sure I can call them highs). Also feeling the pressure when people ask how I am and want a more positive response but I refuse to lie.
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We had a funeral service at the crem near where she lived in Scotland (Wednesday) then brought the ashes home the next day. We buried them, with immediately family only, under the high tide on the beach we live near in Ireland the morning after that (Friday). We then had another “commemoration” on Saturday locally for the many family/friends who couldn’t travel for the funeral. For us, this was a tight timescale for many good and necessary reasons, but also meant we didn’t have her ashes at home for long. I think that would have made it even more difficult. But everyone has different situations to juggle.
You’re 100% about the “not highs”.
If people ask, I still say “good days and bad days”.
A close friend shared a saying “The people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter”.
I’ve fallen back on this so often when we’ve done things “our way” to cope as best we can. I’ve found mostly understanding for whatever we’ve said/done - anyone who doesn’t then doesn’t matter. 
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