Heather my partner of 37 years passed away in November 2023. We went on holiday every year with her sister and partner for the past 20 years and after Heather died we booked another holiday so that we had something to look forward to. We have just been away for two weeks in Rhodes and had a wonderful time. However I have just returned home and the ‘roller coaster’ low is even worse than it has ever been. I feel so sad and even guilty that I have had a lovely holiday. When we were away I had company all the time but now back to no-one - I knew I was going to feel it but not this much. Heather used to love everything about our holidays so it has been so hard for me not to break down in front of her family for the last two weeks and I’m sure they think that I coped fine. Now I am home on my own I can’t stop crying. This is so hard and it’s 7 months since she died. Sending so much love to everyone in the same position - I truly feel your pain and profound loss xx
How brave of you to go on holiday and it’s really positive that you found some joy and calm while you were away.
Coming back to the harsh reality of being alone is so hard isn’t it, whether it’s after a holiday or just after being to the shops.
Remember the rollercoaster does go back up again so if you ride the storm it will get easier in time.
I feel your pain and hurt and hope you get some rest tonight so that tomorrow doesn’t feel so bleak xx
@Melly2 i am glad you went away with friends . It is a different world we all live in now . The pain is always there but I hope it will numb a bit in time . At 7 months I was struggling terribly . I am at nearly 13 months and I am doing a bit better . Hope tomorrow is a better day for you
Gosh Rhodes was a lovely place reading about it reminded me of a holiday I had there with my husband years before he was ill and died.
It feels tame in comparison that I only went away on a last minute two night break on my own last Wednesday nearby. But I still got the feeling when I returned to an empty house. But then I always used to feel a mixture of glad to be home yet flat back to normal after being away. But if course for me it is the third time since he died 19 months ago. It is true what I always believed and expected that can’t expect to be adjusted this early. I am not over it. Yes I can do it but seeing everyone else with their family or friends was tough but I feel better for having done it. Surprised myself. I had felt very stressed and still found the beginning and end scary with the journey finding my way alone and getting back alone tricky.
Thankyou for your kind words Roni x
@Enorac - you are very brave for going away on your own so well done you 
. Yes it is so hard seeing everyone in couples enjoying their experience together but I guess we have think about all the wonderful memories of previous holidays with our partners and start making new memories for ourselves.
I am going to Cornwall on Saturday for a week as last year my son takes me there abd back. Stays with two grandsons in the caravan overnight and then comes at the end of the week to go back. This year I am going back to a place I went when my husband was alive with access to a beach and pool shop etc bus.
So have to navigate taking stuff with me
I went on my first solo holiday in April to Italy and had a lovely time, but it did feel difficult when I got home. It was somewhere we had planned to go but never got around to and I just wish that I could have shared it with him. I’ve booked another couple of solo holidays as well as taking my kids on two separate holidays to Disney. I feel fine when I’m away but coming back to the empty house and nobody to share all of the experiences with immediately felt really difficult. It’s now about 16 months since he went but there are so many things and so many places I wished that we had visited so I will just have to do it on my own. Hopefully it will get easier coming home, but I know when I got back from my Italian trip I plummeted after having been so happy.
Very nice that will be xx
I think you are so brave and strong to be doing that - what an inspiration.
We loved our holidays and although I’m not quite ready to go away abroad yet I hope when the time comes I’ll be able to do that either with my kids - or on my own, which feels kinda scary.
I suppose the being back home feels a bit more like reality so will be hard and painful for you but hopefully will get easier with time. Xxx
@roni52 it is nice to go away I hope you can go with your children . It does help but it’s hard coming home at any time so why not get away . I am doing Xmas away again
Well I have just booked a last minute overnight stay ßo I can use the spa pool twice basically and not take luggage which was a nuisance last time.
Now I know the geography hope will be easier.
19 months of widowhood. Very up and down really. Missing how we used to go out a lot and now really hard alone.
So today flat feeling.
After yesterday yesterday going out I haven’t got much motivation.
19bl months for me too @Enorac … how we done it ? And its still di hard isnt it ? I wanna find someone if i can ? Ha easier said than done ! Sick of all this being alone lark … 
x
@Deb5 hi not seen a post from you for a while . It’s 15 months for me . It’s still a difficult road we are on
Hi @Jol lovely to hear from you. Im still struggling with it are you ? I had a really bad day the other day - was crying loads amd it came from nowhere. Just a deep sadness without him here. I tried a dating site recently. Oh wow do you have to be tough for that ! Not sure if im really ready for it tbh. They’re all after one thing and wow theres some minging men lol ! My husband was a handsome man and although i know i will never find anyone like him again i do want someone decent x
@Deb5 it must be difficult to use a dating site . Like a friend said when you have had gold why would you want silver or bronze lol . Hope you find someone. I would like to make some male friends for now x