Post trauma

My 20 yr old son died 2 years ago while we were eating breakfast. He had cystic fibrosis, a double lung transplant at 15 and a month before his death, he had open heart surgery.
He wasnt expected to recover but 3 weeks post heart surgery, he came home. He had complications but from the moment he came home, he started to thrive.
We were having breakfast the day before my birthday, and he said Mam my heart, and put his hand on his chest. He said “Mam dont panic” and died as soon as he had said it.
I rang 999 and began CPR, and carried on for 40 minutes until the paramedics arrived and took over. My son was declared deceased 90 minutes after collapsing.
Its been hard to cope but somehow I managed to get by, until this morning! I had gone for breakfast with a friend and they complained of a tingling hand, they put their hand to their chest and i just felt the breath knocked out of me. I felt like the walls were closing in, i couldn’t breathe and started panic. I heard my friend say ‘Im joking’ and I couldnt catch my breath, i had to escape and I stood up and ran out.
It took a while for me to calm down enough to drive home.

I am shocked that I had this happen, I feel i have re-lived my sons death all over again today.

I have meditated, slept and feel calmer this evening, thankfully but needed to share this horrid experience from today.

Thank you for listening


I am so sorry for the loss of your son and for what happened today. I have terrible flashbacks to when I found my son aged 35, at his own flat, in bed, I thought he was asleep. I did CPR u til medical help arrived, I knew it was too late, drugs overdose. Last night I had huge panic attack, couldn’t breathe, speak. I thought my son had come in the house to see me. Broken when I realised it wasn’t real. I have days when I can look at photos, at the moment I can’t again, feel like I’ve hit the brick wall again. I’m not sure any of this helps you though

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What a dreadful time you have had. You sound such a caring mum.
I lost my boy a month ago, most aggressive cancer, happened so quickly.
I cared for him all his adult life as he had severe mental health problems. He was my life, he was everything to me. I just don’t know how people carry on.
I wish you well. Im always here if you need to talk

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My son aged 47 ,was born with right side cerebral palsy , moderate learning Disabilty.Then later epilepsy and under active thyroid ,I looked after him all his life.Then he was starting to do well learning independence. He died within 3months ,with secondary bone cancer they could not find primary. That was on the 17th July,it is so hard .he was so brave.

I just want to go and be with my darling boy. I have a lovely little dog so i have ro find someone to have him.

I know how you feel,but think your son would like you to live your life,and when your time is up he will be there with you. Someone once told me your life is mapped out for you before you are born. I am not sure I would have picked mine . But that is the cards we are dealt. Love to you all

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I definitely wouldn’t have picked my route. The only thing I wouldn’t have changed his having my darling son for 35 years in my life. I’m on a right downer again and can’t seem to get a grip of anything again.

I had mine for a bit longer 47 years it still hurts ,it still not right children should not die before their parents . He had such a sense of humour,the cancer was so quick he died in hospital . When my husband used to visit him ,they use to tease what to watch on the tv, if my husband went to change the channel,he used to say I can call the nurse,and he would put is finger right near the call button. He was laughing all the time.

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Aw how brave! My darling boy died a week after being diagnosed with lung cancer. I still can’t believe it. I don’t know how to live without him. Keep going, its all we can do. Im always here if you want to chat

It is just so hard to believe when it is so quick. Where did your son cancer metastasis to?

My sons was secondary Bone Cancer, He had no symptoms until he could not get out of bed,they could not find primary .It went from bone to bone marrow he had bruises all over his body . In the end they found a tiny little 20mm ulcer in the stomach ,too small to show on scans and not not blocking any ducts in the lesser curve. Too late when it spreads to bones . He bled to death.