It’s been 5months now since my soul mate passed and still finding it difficult to process, the worse thing for me is that while in the USA he was diagnosed with cancer and due to no international flights leaving London as a result of the pandemic I was unable to be with him to hold his hand onc final time and be with him when he took his last breath.
This will be my first Christmas without my husband I have not sent out any cards or bought any presents not decorated my home, I am dreading when the 25th arrives.
The other day someone who knows that my husband passed recently said “you looking forward to Christmas what you doing” honestly I just gave her the worse look ever which said it all when what I really wanted to do was tell her a few home truths.
Another individual who was inconsiderate and insensitive text me after i told her why I have Bern distanced she told me “this is no excuse for my behavior and I should not speak to people like that”
my question is don’t they know or even try to understand how greif affect some people and to expect anything.
I would rather be left alone to go through my grieving process and not be told how to greive or not to greive.
How can people be so incentive at this time of year knowing that an individual is greiving.
So I will be postponing Christmas for a while maybe indifferently I don’t know I just want people to stop asking me about Christmas.
Sorry this post is long but this is the only forum I can be real and not judged.
@Cpmb1958
So sorry to hear of your loss and not to have been able to be there must have been so hard….like it isn’t hard enough already
I have come to realise that people in general don’t think a lot of the time. I have my mums funeral tomorrow and so far I’ve had one friend ask if I’m up to anything exciting today and another friend when I told her I was feeling lonely say it gets easier…these are people who called my mum ‘mum’ and she treated them like daughters.
I get you want to be alone at Xmas but even if you could perhaps go to a friends even for lunch with no obligation it may help …
Whatever you do make sure it’s what you want to do and be kind to yourself as you know what you need at this time.
It will be exactly 5 months on Christmas day that my husband died. I completely understand how you feel about Christmas, I feel the same, I don’t want anything to do with it but unfortunately I have to “do” Christmas for my 93 year old mother, it seems everyone is concerned that she has a good Christmas & that I make it a nice day for her but not that concerned that they would offer to have her in their home on Christmas day & allow me to do what I want to do on the first Christmas without my Husband which is be alone & grieve for him in my own way.
As I tell people every the time I am taking it one hour one minute one second and one day at a time.
People will say take it one day at a time but what about the minutes the seconds and hour there are so many y things can happen within one day one minute one second one hour which they don’t seem to understand. I think only grieving people can relate to this
You know what I will see how I am feeling on the day honestly each day is different and I just don’t know if it will be good or bad.
I have had several good days this week and today I just crashed
Keskai I her what you saying about your mother my dad is 99 years told and I don’t hear anyone in my family talking about going to him for Christmas it’s only his granddaughter who said that she will go and have Christmas breakfast with him so you know its down to yours truly to ensure he has his Christmas lunch.
I have so many un happy Christmas memories Shell always seemed to be ill, so many 999 calls , either Christmas day , or boxing day, she finally lost her battle in April 2020, so last Christmas was my first without her, then I got a phone call early Boxing day morning, her Dad had died alone, either late Christmas night, or early Boxing day morning, it’s supposed to be a time of rejoicing, but for me, it’s just a time of bad memories.
I feel so sorry that people around you have been so insensitive about your situation. Unless one has experienced bereavement of a loved one, it is easy to make thoughtless and insensitive comments.
Please don’t feel you are on your own with this and and please also know that there are others who do empathise but no one can ever fully understand how you feel. There is no right or wrong way to deal with loss. As an individual, you will deal with it in your own way.
Please try not to isoate yourself, because the support you can get from others is often what will get you through this.
Coping with Christmas is difficult and how you do this, especially in this, your first year has to be whatever feels right for you.
I know it’s hard to accept, but you really are not alone, others really do care.
Thank you Beth for you support and your kind words.
Yes this will be my first Christmas without my husband but I will aer how the day goes when it arrives.
One thing though people keep asking “you ready for Christmas” I tell them I am postponing Christmas their response is a blank strange look on their face although they know I refuse to say why cause it only makes the pain and hurt even more worse.
My Christmas, will be me, and my son, from a previous relationship, no fuss, certainly no celebration, I have been accused of having no Christmas spirit, but it’s hard when the person you want to spend it with, is no longer here. I wish you the strength to get through , not just Christmas, but the times ahead also.
Take care.
…