Hi all,
**** BACKGROUND ****
We found out 2.5 weeks ago out of the blue that my dad has very aggressive stomach and bowel cancer (in addition to other cancers that he has been receiving treatment for).
I’m 36 and currently live with my dad, my mum passed away 6.5 years ago with cancer (age 65), and my dad is 71. I primarily stayed home so ‘late’ because my parent’s health wasn’t great, and I wanted to make sure they were ok. It also just ‘worked’ because, whilst we lived quite independently, we were in the same home if they ever needed anything, and it meant I got to spend a lot more time with them.
**** CURRENT SITUATION *****
During the first 7 days in the hospital, the decline in my dad was so frightening and fast, that none of us could keep up including the consultants, and it felt so overwhelming. He has lost a lot of weight and you can feel all his bones if you even just rub his back. He managed to take a slight turn and improve in the next 7 days in the hospital, and he was finally discharged from the hospital to come home last night for end-of-life care (as he didn’t want to go to another hospital), with a referral being made to our local hospice who I’m waiting to hear from.
At the moment it’s just me and him in the house and just me here to support him primarily (some family/friends come visit for a while during the day), and whilst I feel overwhelmed and scared, I’ve had experience of this with my mum, albeit me and my dad cared for her towards the end.
I don’t fully know what I’ve come here to say, or for, but I’m losing so much more than just my dad. Our family home which I’ve always lived in, will need to be sold, so I’ll be losing my last parent and the home I’ve always lived in, having to sort all of that out, dealing with his funeral, whilst having to look for somewhere new to live, and I’m currently off work with anxiety (linked to work, and now this), all at the same time.
The saddest part is, that my dad truly believes that someone is going to fix this. During his first 7 days in hospital, they told us it wasn’t likely to be very long due to his decline (although he has currently lasted longer than their 1-2 week estimate, but I know it wont be long), and they told him there was nothing that could be done treatment/operation wise.
But due to him slightly ‘improving’ and being able to come home, he thinks (and says) that means he is getting better, and that his consultant will look into options (the one who was supporting him with his other cancer).
The consultant before discharge told us in private again, that there were no treatment options or operation, and he would be too weak to even try chemo, which wouldn’t do anything, as his cancer developed in just 5-6 weeks.
I’m in the house alone with my dad, trying to remain positive for him whilst seeing him slowly waste away, like my mum did a few years ago, in a hospital bed in the same spot.
I’m doing my best to keep everything going, and I’m sorting all his medication out, his oxygen, nebuliser, meals, cooking/cleaning, keeping the house sorted and doing everything I can, but I’m just scared… I’m scared to lose my last parent (I don’t have much family nearby), I’m just so afraid for the future.
I feel like everything in my life is just going wrong all at the same time, and I don’t know what we did wrong to deserve this.