Preparing for goodbyes

My mother has triple-negative breast cancer and there’s not much to do for her health anymore. I am 22 years old and I’m the only one at home with her all day, we see the disease take over her skin and there’s nothing we can do. I made a rule to myself to never cry in front of her but it’s getting harder every day that passes. Soon, I’ll be alone. I have a father and a brother who both live in other state and the news of her state did not change their lives a single bit. My brother didn’t seem interested in coming back home to see her at all, in fact she’s the one that always go to him. A 4 hours long car drive with a cancerous wound in your back isn’t easy, but that doesn’t seem to cross his mind. I lost hope on him, I don’t need a brother but the fact that he does that to my mother makes me insane. I feel like this whole thing is breaking me and it seems like I’m the only one truly suffering with her.
What should I do to prepare myself when the last moments come? How can I keep myself alive while I see her die?

Hi MarcyS,

Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

Take good care,

Im so sorry Marcy for what your Mum and you are going through. You’re so young to have to be dealing with this, so my guess is your Mum probably isnt that old either? I do hope you both have support in place from palliative care, or cancer charities? If not please reach out and see what help you can get - you will need to be able to take a break and look after yourself in order to be able to look after your mum. Theres no easy way to get through this time, but try not to let the sorrow you feel now cloud the time you have left with your mum. Try and continue to build positive memories, make sure you ask her all the things youve always meant to ask about her childhood etc, and say all the things you want to say to her. I cared for my mum full time in the last year of her life, and i always remember a friend saying to me that its a privilege to be able to be there for our parents when they need us most. Its not something any of want to go through, but i understood what she meant - its our chance to reflect back that love and care they’ve shown us all those years. My thoughts are with you :heart:

Hello @MarcyS

You are doing good job for your mom.keep doing that. Don’t think what happens next, stay in this moment with her and be strong for her like you are now .she needs your support…, seeing you sad .she will be sad… I can somehow relate yourself to my situation…my mom is also terminally I’ll, every day waking up and making my mom feel it’s all ok is real deal…but we have to strong for them…

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My mum died of TNBC in November 23. Honestly, nothing prepares you for saying goodbye and it will be upsetting. Does she want to be at home or hospital? My mum was at home.

My advice is to understand what to expect at the end and the services you need to rely on. There are signs to look for and normal processes which can be scary if you don’t know.

Are you in the UK? If so happy for you to DM me as I can share advice about meds/nhs.

Get a charity or hospice involved. Just to know you can call and get advice helps so much. They do this everyday and are wonderful people. Our pallative care nurse was brillient. You also get support afterwards if needed.

Can you get help from friends or family? My mum hung on for 3 days at the end and it was physically it is exhusting. You’ll need someone to tag team with to give you a break to snatch a few minutes sleep.

Just talk her - tell her how mum she means to you and not to worry.

Good luck. Do reach out if we can help. Roberta x