My Mom passed a month ago. There was so much to do with clearing her apartment and storage units and all the paperwork involved after death and I had to handle most of it. My Mom was such a central part of our family and my best friend. We talked daily and I took her to most of her doctor appointments. She was the first person I’d call when something good happened and the first I called when something bad happened. She’s the one I need right now to talk to about losing her and of course that can’t be done. Life is not ok, it’s empty without her. I have a sister who lives next door and a son who I’m close to but he has his own life with a fiance and my sister has her grandchildren who take a lot of her time. I feel like I’m all alone. I know they love me but I’m not a priority. My Mom was on her own so we became very very close, like the two of us were a pair. I’m lost without her. I’m 70 years old and I’ve never felt more alone. I’m a loner by nature but I had my Mom, I didn’t need friends, really didn’t have time for friends as Mom’s illnesses took up a lot of my time. I’m not a joiner, I like to stay home and I like solitude, to a point. For so many years I had Mom to talk to every single day about everything, and we did talk about everything. There is no substitute for her love. No one will ever love you like your mother. I’ve been grieving deeply and just 4 weeks after losing her I feel like my family doesn’t want to deal with grief anymore, they’ve grieved and moved on. Not that they didn’t love her very much, they did but she didn’t impact their daily lives like she did mine. She and I were just so close, not just mother and daughter but best friends, she was mine and I was hers’. I’ve lost my best friend and now there is no one to talk to about it. My loved ones just want to hear that I’m ok so that’s what I tell them now. I realized this past week they had all distanced themselves from me and were going on with their lives, as they should. They don’t have the time or energy to try and make me feel better because there is nothing they can say or do to make it any better. I know they love me but they want me to just smile and be ok. So that’s what I’m doing, I smile and tell them I’m ok so now they are back in contact with me. So I’m on this site to vent privately to strangers, to say I’m not ok at all, not sure if I ever will be again. The one person in the world who loved me unconditionally is gone. Life will never be the same again. No one loves you like your own mother. I miss her laugh, I miss her sarcasm, I miss her calling me to talk about nothing, I miss her calling me for help, I miss calling her to tell her a joke only she would laugh at, I miss calling her to tell her what my crazy cat just did, I just plain miss her. I know I have people who love me, but not like she did, I know I’m not anyone’s first call anymore. I’m not looking for sympathy, just a safe place to vent, a safe place to say I’m not ok but I look like I am. It’s been a month, an empty month. I’ve lost my Dad and two of my brothers and those losses hurt so so much, but losing Mom hurts twice as much. I had Mom to help get me through those losses and I helped her get through those losses, now I’m on my own. I know me, joining a group is not for me, I don’t like to leave the house. This online group may help, just being able to write it all down and get it out may help.
Hello Birdie10, im so sorry for the loss of your mom, its ok to vent here that’s what this site is for, ..i lost my husband in March, he was my best friend and my soul mate, he was my everything..he was the one that knew me so well and I him, we were in sync with each other, always confided in each other, so I know how deep your pain is..we’ve lost that one person we could always count on..its been 6 months since I lost my precious husband. And i don’t think I will ever get over losing my person, its sad knowing there’s no one that will love me like he did, ..i do hope this site does help you. It has helped me tremendously, if only to vent at times, take care and God bless you 
Reading your post resonated with me so much. Although I’m not alone (I have my partner), my mam and I weren’t just mother and daughter, we were so much more. We would have huge arguments, sit and have coffee together, laugh and we were one another’s go to for good and bad things. I cared for her for many years, but the last few years were a lot more hands on. My life worked around her and her needs. Everyone around me is getting on with things, and I am just a mess. I lost her in June and thought I would be getting a handle on things by now, but I’m not. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same person and a piece of me definitely left with her that day. I still cry every day, can’t sleep properly, and can’t imagine life without her around. I know we can’t live forever, but I could never imagine her not being here. Now that reality has hit and I’m not ok. To be honest, I’m a mess. I’m a bit of a loner and homebody as well and not someone who is comfortable asking for help. I’ve been to the doctor who has given me some meds to help me with sleep and mood, but I haven’t taken them. I don’t want to end up numb and I feel like losing my grief is like losing my mam all over again. My grief feels like my link to her. My only link now, and I’m scared to let that go.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone xx
Sounds like we’re a lot alike and going through the same thing. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cared for my Mom the last few years too, my life centered around her doctor appts and med pick ups and grocery shopping ect. I won’t take meds because I don’t like how they make me feel, but I’m not sleeping and I’m having anxiety attacks and I’m a mess. I’m a licensed therapist, so I already know what steps I should be taking to deal with my grief, but I also already know what will help me and what won’t. Usually the first step is to seek help, a therapist to talk to. A good therapist will tell you to join a group, to get up and get out there and be active. That doesn’t work when you’re a loner by nature. I know getting up and out there wouldn’t help me at all. I’m usually so at peace at home in my cottage, alone with my cat. That’s all I want, to feel that peace again. I never felt lonely being alone because I talked to Mom every single day, sometimes twice a day and I saw her once or twice a week to take her to appts and shopping and usually stopping somewhere nice for lunch. I was so happy to stay home the rest of the week. Life is so lonely without her to talk to. I catch myself going to pick up the phone to call and tell her something. I do have family who love me and I love them, but it’s not the same. They have their lives to live and there just is no substitute for talking to my Mom, we would talk about everything, a lot of nonsense and laugh a lot. Mom was 91 and had a great life. She was pretty sick at the end and she was so tired and she wanted to go. I knew the pain I was going to feel with losing her, I tried so hard to get doctors to keep her going. The last week of her life I had to accept that it was best for her to let her go, that was so hard. She begged doctors to stop treating her, to let her go. I had her POA, I didn’t want her to go but I had to respect her wishes. I just keep crying and I want her back so bad.
Hi Birde10
I totally understand your grief and total lost. You will find a way to live with your grief but it does take time take it hour by hour day by day.
I like you my Mum was my all. I am lucky to have my husband and son living with me but I feel totally alone all the time. It will be 4 years in October but I constantly relive mums final week as if it was yesterday.
I don’t know what the answer is but know you will get a lot of love and support from this group as we all have been affected by grief in one way or another.
So stay strong and vent on here when you need too because we care and understand your grief.
Love and healing thoughts will be sent for you tonight from me.
