He died the night of my birthday. This story Is written as I lay awake in the lonely dark room .he had cancer ,leaukemia for 7 years. He died of bowel cancer .The miss diagnoses of the NHS was a sad sign of the times .We had to take him to AE to get the health service to accept that he was so ill…From December to July ,they never gave any treatment other than scans an false hope .He was eventually told he would be given radiotherapy as palliative care .told he had 6 to 12 months to live .he died 13 days later .He had leaukemia ,he would die from it eventually . But ,the signs of bowel cancer were ignored .until to late .he had a colonoscopy 2 years before .showing poor visualisation .an diviculitus…what followed was great weight loss ,pain ,and loss of blood until he had to wear pads an eventually couldn’t leave the house…He would tell the haematology doctors ,who said tell your GP. But all manage to pass him down the line… I am now left with out him ,I don’t know some days how to cope .He left a will .he left all to me He said I would be alright .I am not inheriting a aunts or uncles estate …But I have to do probate.This world where death an tax are the one thing we can be sure of .Valuers,lawyers all costing thousands .but almost belittle me .They take months to do works .Their terms and conditions are almost as frightening as the process of probate .We,my husband an I have been stripped naked ,How much were his clothes worth ? That question almost sent me over the edge ,he lost 30 kilos …he had bowel cancer,but of course a question that has to be answered .I am exhausted ,I do.not sleep well.I try my hardest to process all,paperwork as soon as is needed.I Google an try to learn as much as I can.Is there any tax to be paid ? No ,are we super rich .No.So all this stress on me ,after such a long battle to care for my husband .I owe no inheritance tax ! My husbands estate passes to me .So the stress an the thousands were for what ?
I await the probate return .I wonder how long that process will take .all the time his accounts frozen .
I have a wonderful son .I have wonderful friends .I have told my story to many ,all shocked an saddened an try to help where they can… But as one charity helpline said . “ You have no Choice but to do it “The truth is thatI am lost without him.I loved him.he was my life .He was the boss .Now the ship is sinking without the captain
I think how In the 21 st century can a country use Dickensian laws to improve the life of its people .What justifies all this .my husbands mistake of not putting his affairs into order.He thought a will was enough.He paid with his life .Now my Life is destroyed as I struggle to get through all this .
Hi yolanda1,
I’m so sorry to hear of your sad loss of your husband, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you’ve had a terrible time trying to get a diagnosis for your husband, it seems we are passed from pillar to post and fobbed of constantly when it comes to health matters, you’re right it’s a sad sign of the times when we feel treated like no one cares, you must feel so exhausted, also having to deal with your loss and all the legal stuff.
I am in a similar situation, my husband didn’t leave a will and the house is just in his name, we were married 30 years, he died suddenly 4 months ago age 56, such a shock, it’s been a hellish nightmare since then, like you I’ve not only got to deal with the pain of losing him , but solicitors aswell.
It all needs to go to probate, and it all costs a fortune, it’s been four months and still hasn’t been sorted, constantly chasing everything up because I’m sure they put you to the bottom of the pile and just forget. Life is so cruel, everything gets thrown at you and you feel like you’re sinking into a deep black hole.
Like you, I am lost without him, how can we do the rest of our lives without our husbands by our sides.
This site has really helped me, as everyone knows what you are feeling. Keep posting and get things off your chest, we all can help, you’ll feel like you’re not alone.
Thinking of you
Try and keep strong,
Steph x
Go to the Martin Lewis money website. On there is a thread called probate. People offer very good advice. It is often reassuring and can save money.
Hi steph
I just wanted to say that when my dad died aged 53, 21 years ago he left no will and the house was in his name only. This was very common up to the 80s.
My mum had been married to him for 40 years but we had to go through probate court for a period of about 9 months.it did all get sorted but it was stressful.
You will get there.
Cheryl x
Hi Cheryl,
Thanks for that, it does seem like it’s never going to get sorted, get there the end.
Steph x
Thanks Daffy123 x
We wouldn’t dream of just putting the man’s name in the mortgage nowadays but it happened all the time I to 30 years ago.
Wishing you luck with it. I’ve just been through my mums probate but luckily mum left a will. We learnt from our previous experience x
I know how times change.
Thank you
Steph x
Yolander
I feel for you and do understand what you are experiencing because I am in the same boat at the moment. It’s all about money and process care and compassion are at the back if the queue.
Sadly I have to do this on my own which is scary as I do not have children or anyone to help me except the accountant. Her ‘help’ is expensive!
Take it hour by hour and day by day if you can. I find this is the only way to cope and it may be of some help.
Pam.
I’ve halted probate, due to coronavirus/covid19. There will be not tax to pay so I can take a bit longer. Also, I’m waiting a valuation. I have got some of it done. Banks and all accounts are closed and all utilites are in my name.
As far as I’m concerne grief and a pandemic are enough. The rest can wait a bit.
Thank you , So much suffering now .grief ,probate an now this , not being able to ask him what to do The loneliness in the evenings are the worst.
Still I cry ,sleep ,well what’s that ?
I go out into the garden as.much as I can.,being outside helps .This mild weather has the plants all full of great promise .The.bird feeder full ,an the robin flits about !
Nothing will ever be the same .will it .but it teaches us that never walk past anyone in the street again an assume all is well…People tell you to be strong .I have been ,all the years I cared for him. Now weaker ,I have to almost fight again another battle for what .?
I shall carry on ,though some days I didn’t want to be here ,but didn’t want to die !!
I am still,here ,9 months later .
Take care .stay safe .