It occurred to me that life requires us to have patience, more than we have usually, and to go through the processes.
I am self-publishing two books now. It is hard. Each step I have to know and execute and doing it all alone. Doing it at a highly professional level too, as I am a journalist and my dad was an author. It is so hard. But I must have the patience to execute each step.
And grief is like that. I learned grief was in charge and I had to go along with it. I had to find the patience to follow it. No matter how tormented I was, I had to go along.
Might make your journey easier, to let go of your resistance.