Just over 14 months ago I lost my husband of over twenty years. I have really low times and can feel so lonely even when I’m with family.
I’m completely lost at the moment.
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Look after yourself and take care.
Thinking of you 
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@Shirls2 i know what you mean the loneliness is like something else! But it helps me to think he is always with me in my heart and through the children. Keep hanging on in there!
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Hi Shirls, really feeling for you. I understand the low times you are feeling, even in the company of others. I was out walking with a friend the other day and something triggered the waves of sadness, they still overwhelmed me and I found myself filling up with tears again. 20 years is a lifetime, throughout which you both grew and changed, alongside each other. You’ll never forget that, and he shaped who you are today. I’m certain he’s still close around you, and looking out for you. I feel small signs of hope in my day, when I see something that reminds me of the one I’m missing. Sending you hugs, and hope you find strength from this hugely supportive site.
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Hi jools19. Thank you so much for your lovely words I’m taking comfort from all the memories and I do sometimes feel he’s watching over me. I’m trying to sort a lasting memorial and have contributed in his name to the RNLI as he loved sailing
I hope you are ok x
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Hi Shirls. I’m glad you are reading this site and know that you are not alone in feeling how you do. Today was not a good day, until I started reading yours and other messages. I took the small step of going out in the garden, still feeling lost and not wanting to do anything much. Out of nowhere, a butterfly came and landed on my trousers, and I felt that nature was trying to tell me my loved one was close, and that I would be ok. It is the tiny things that will gradually get you through the day, so take time to look out for any gifts sent your way. I too donate to the RNLI, after I lost a friend to the waves a few years back. It is a lovely way to keep your beloved husband’s memory living on. I send you hugs and strength.
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I like to think that nature was looking after me two weeks ago, when we were preparing to go to the small village churchyard where my husband wished his ashes to be scattered my. A beautiful red butterfly landed on the wall right in front of me. I felt a warm glow and comfort.
I have also seen a few white feathers in odd places.
It always seems to happen at particularly sad times.
Sending hugs xx
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I too, had a butterfly visit, and butterflies signify spirituality and represent the guardian angel that looks over you.
I feel the pain, even going shopping and not picking up their favourite products makes me cry, coming home to an empty house makes me cry, as does waking without her.
However, I know she is spurring me on, telling me to live out what we had planned, even though it won’t be the same. She is not gone, just the beautiful vessel she was presented in, her soul and her spirit are with me, and you have the same around you.
The love doesn’t stop, either way.
Keep talking, do things whilst you can, and give up when it’s too much.
Try to think of all the things you would like to have done for yourself, but didn’t.
Maybe a hobby, joining a rambling club, learning a language, playing guitar, painting, take up pilates or yoga, or whatever it may be.
Be strong for the one who continues to love you, they don’t want you to forget, but they do want you to thrive, even when you are in despair.
Remember the good times, and make more.
Sending you well wishes and big hug, you are not alone
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Thank you @pgw69 for your lovely words. I am trying to live as my husband would have wished but at the moment it’s very difficult, I am meeting friends and family but am happiest in our home with all the memories. I feel him with me all of the time, he is in my heart and mind.
There’s no joy without him.
Sending best wishes x
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I know, there is no joy for me either, not now.
However, there is a future in which you will experience some joy again, although you cannot even think about that just now.
Hold him close in your heart and mind, as he would wish, but also look after yourself, as he would wish, talk to him, he can hear, and feel his presence looking after you.
Grief is a horrible process we are all going through, time will ease the pain, I have to believe that, or I will descend into a dark place, and our loved ones do not want that for us. I don’t want to disappoint my loved one, but I do have to go through this mourning.
Keep talking to people and take care.
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Hi PGW for your most comforting words. I feel for you too, and understand what you are going through. “There is no joy” is something that resonates with me too, and your description of the significance of the butterfly is truly beautiful. The butterfly came back to my garden and refused to leave me today - something more than coincidence, you could believe. I also am missing the favourite foods we used to put in the trolley - but last night, I cooked one of our favourite meals, and it felt like we were still sharing it together. I hope you pain eases just a little more each week, and that you feel the comfort sent to you by so many of us going through this sad process. Hugs being sent your way.
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Dear Rome, you are of similar age to the partner I lost to cancer. I know how you feel, when you say you are happiest in the place where you have the most memories. That is entirely right and natural. Your husband is still all around you and watching over you. Your heart and mind will never forget the times you shared together, and gradually I hope, the heartache will ease just a little. We have to find a different way of coping without them, but it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. I’m glad you are able to share here how you feel - it has made me feel just a little less alone, to know there are wonderful and kind people like you, going through similar sad times. Sending hugs to you x
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Thank you @Jay19 for your kind words, I think the more we can share our feelings here, the more, hopefully, it will help us travel along this dark and bumpy journey of grief.
I miss sharing music with him and hearing him playing his piano, watching favourite tv progs, sharing a meal, etc., etc.
The only thing that helps me from going mad is the thought that my dear husband is here with me and I can feel the warmth of his presence. That’s joy!
Love for each other never dies and we should always hold onto that, it’s definitely true.
Sending hugs x
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I know what you mean @Rome18, the sharing does help, even if it does not eradicate the grief. I am finding that the waves hit you when you least expect them, when a favourite piece of music or programme comes on the TV, that we used to enjoy together. I still watch those things, and play the music we shared. I think it’s an important part of feeling close to what you both had, and still have, even though he’s not sitting in your apartment - he is there still. Your love will live on, through your loving memories of time together. I hope your heart finds peace and comfort through these things. You are in the company of others who know how you feel, and we’re only a message away. Hugs back to you x
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Thank you for your encouraging message. I’ve had so many lovely messages and thank everyone for their support.
I’m glad you had a such a lovely experience in the garden. It is the small things that can change a very dark day.
I will continue to read the messages on the site and if I can offer any comfort to anyone who is struggling I will.
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