I lost my older sister to cancer around 7 years ago and although I am getting on with my day to day life, I am still really struggling with missing her and wishing that she never passed away. I feel like although the years have passed, I am not finding it any easier to go about my life without yearning for her and wishing that she never died. We were very close and I felt like a huge part of me died with her. There are things that only she knew about me and I feel like those parts of my personality no longer exist as I don’t have her to share them with. I feel like something switched in my life when she died and I wish my life could just go back to how it was before she died. I don’t know how I can move on with my life and I can’t help but feel resentful for people who have not had to go through this grief. I wish she never died, not just because I miss her, but because I miss the version of myself that existed when she was alive, and that no longer exists and will never exist again. Will this feeling ever go away? The general grey cloud over my life and the deep yearning for her to come back?
Hello @Phoebemc,
Thank you for so bravely reaching out to the community. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister 7 years ago. It sounds like you were really close, and that you’re not only grieving her death but also the parts of your personality that existed when she was here. You say that there were things about you that only she knew, and I can imagine it must have been incredibly painful to lose the person who shared those memories and understood those parts of you.
I think your post will resonate with many members here. There is no timeline on grief, and many people on the community still continue to miss and long for their loved ones many years after their death.
You are not alone. We have many members who have experienced the loss of a sibling and will understand some of what you’re going through. You can read conversations our members have shared on our Losing a sibling category page.
You may also find it helpful to read our Losing a sibling page on our website. It talks you through some of what you might be feeling, and how to cope.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care 
Hello Phoebemc, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my older brother two and a half years ago after a long battle with Cancer and I am also struggling to come to terms with the fact he is no longer in my life. We lost both our parents five years ago to Dementia a year apart so we leaned on each other for support and we were both devastated of course. I miss them so much but I have accepted and come to terms with the fact they are gone but I can not seem to process the fact that my Brother is no longer here and I yearn to see him and chat and have a laugh about the childhood secrets we shared. The day he died my heart broke and, like you, I lost a part of me that I don’t feel I will ever get back, I not only miss my Brother but I miss the old me. I really don’t know the answer on how to deal with this side of grief or how long it will last. I just wanted to let you know that your not alone and I’m sure there are thousands of people out there feeling the same so though I can not say how long you will feel like this I can only send my love and hugs. On a practical note though have you thought of counceling? It is something I have thought about but have not yet had the energy or courage to do anything about. Hope you find some kind of peace or answers on here x
Hi Lyn6, thank you so much for responding to me. I’m so sorry for what you have been through, and for the fact that you can relate. It’s really comforting to hear that I’m not going through this alone though so your response really does means a lot. No one should have to experience what you have been through, but despite it all I really feel like I can feel positive and loving energy coming across from what you have written. I also have considered counselling but similarly to you, I have found it difficult to get around to arranging it. This has given me a bit of a nudge though, so I’m going to do some research this week and try to get booked in for a chat- even just posting on here has felt quite heeling, so hopefully we will both benefit from speaking to someone professional about what we have been through. Sending lots of love and hugs to you too.
Phoebe x