My Darrell promised he would never leave me yet here i am 12.15am wide awake and on my own no strong arms to hold me non of his soft kisses to comfort me just an empty bottle again… 49 years old and a widow!! the thought of perhaps another 40 years on my own is to much to deal with i cant be on my own how do i fill this void is this it days month years of crying and sorrow never feeling cared for and loved never feeling wanted again Darrell promised me the world i had it all in my hands then it all got snatched away x jo xx

Hi Jo I know exactly how you feel. I’m 59 so have 10 years on you. My darling Ian was 60 when he left. We have had our futures snatched away from us. All our retirement plans dashed. I can’t bear the thought of years without him, I hate my life, I have a lovely family and 3 precious grandchildren but my Ian isn’t here anymore to share our lives. I miss him so much and after 8 months it seems harder than ever.
Take care Jo, you’re not alone
Julie x

hi julie thanks for your message im sorry to hear about your ian xx i have granddaughters to but keep thinking of everything Darrell is going to miss … i dont want to live this life alone and watch them grow up without him x love jo xx

Hi Jo. Just picked up on your post and so sorry you’ve had another bad night. It’s the worst possible time to be awake isn’t it. So many thoughts build up in the brain. I too keep wondering where Brian is when I feel particularly low, which seems to be all the time lately. I wish I could help you more, your such a kind, caring person and I know that your loss is really hitting you hard but you know by now that your not alone we understand. It’s so unreal isn’t it. I look for Brian all the time and the other day the woman who has bought his bike off me came up the allotment path on it, just as Brian used to do. Just for that fleeting moment I thought !!! How we will all come through this time is anybodies guess. If only somebody could come up with an answer. Please be strong Jo. The love that you and Darrel had was precious, beautiful. I know the thought of that love brings you pain at the moment just as my love with Brian does me but I hope that one day I can remember our time together with happiness and not the sorrow that we have lost. I hope you have a better sleep tonight. Thinking of you Pat xxxx

hi Pat thank you for your kind words and support x i hope you have a peaceful nite tonight knowing that Brian is by your side always what ever this cruel world throws up he will be there to protect you now xx love to you xx jo

Hi Jo, how are you doing. I wasn’t too bad this morning, walked along the beach the I had a man with me all morning trying to sort out a will of sorts. So difficult, so many things to deal with. Asking me all sorts of questions. Like where are the dogs to go? Do I want resuscitating if I’m ill? Who do I want to be my power of attorney if I’m doolally and can’t deal with things.? All the cheerful stuff. Sent me into despair even more. Might as well book myself into an old peoples home now. With my son and daughter being useless with money and Brian’s kids and grandchildren totally ignoring me, if I leave it to my grandson it might cause him grief with rest of family. I might as well leave it to the dogs home and be done with it. Now thinking of selling up and making a new start.
Sorry to go on but I just wonder why there has to be so many problems all the time. Or is it me feeling sorry for myself. Going out for a walk now.
Take care, thinking of you. Pat xxxx

hi Pat at least you have plucked up the courage to sort bits out x and you certainly are allowed to feel sorry for yourself you are doing a fantastic job getting through each day like you are … you are stronger than you think you are… im so proud of you xx ive had a few up and down days thats why i havent been on the forum much but had a special friend that i could text every 5 minutes if i needed that has got me through with tears smiles and laughs something i havent done for a while … went into my wardrobe about an hour ago and a top of Darrells fell off the hanger and i just went to pieces holding it just couldnt breathe . until my friend txt and i felt i was able to breathe again… dont know what i would do with out them and dont know what i would do without the comfort from yourself and others that have took the time to message me xx so thank you xx i hope you have a lovely walk and a peaceful evening look after yourself precious lady sending you much love jo xx

Had a surprise last night, my family turned up and we went for the walk together. The dogs love it when the children come and they play with them. It cheered me up. Made me more convinced I should go to live nearer to them, then I can help them out as they both work hard and I can see the children more often. They hug and kiss me and I love them so much. Don’t want to be clingy though. I’m so pleased you have a caring friend that is of help to you. We are all thinking of each other, that is why we all come on here. Just want to see if everyone is doing OK. Take care Pat xxx