Proud of myself

This Friday will be six months since my world fell apart and I lost my lovely husband. As all of you know, it’s such a hard journey we are on.
Since losing Ron I haven’t been able to go out of the house on my own. I am o.k if someone is with me, I can go out into the front garden and also over to my neighbour but that is as far as I have been able to go.
I am having therapy for this and my goal was to do a small walk before my next session which is tomorrow. I have tried but just haven’t had the confidence, as soon as I get to the end of the road tears well up, I panic and have to come back again.
Last night I wrote a note to Ron and told him I was going to try and be more positive, more confident and more motivated and to try and live the life he would want for me.
This morning when I got up the sun was shining and the day was lovely. I decided I would go down to the Doctors to make an appointment, I could have phoned but this way I had a purpose to go out. Twice I tried to go out the front door but ended up in tears then I got cross with myself, worried that I would never be able to go out again. Not sure how I did it but I did. I ended up going to the Drs, then walking down to the chemist and taking the long way back. I was out for one and a half hours and to be honest I enjoyed it. When I got home I didn’t cry and felt proud of myself.
I have a friend coming tomorrow for a coffee and instead of making cakes I am going to walk the twenty mins to the local shop to buy some, it’s another excuse to go out.
Have I turned a corner? I don’t know but I am going to try my best to keep on trying to get out once a day and then who knows, I may get my confidence and a little bit of happiness back.
Love to all xx


I think you are doing amazing! You keep going and do what you want to do when you are ready x

Thank you xx

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Well done. What a massive achievement. You did it.

Thank you xx

Well done, that’s amazing and so brave. Keep it up. X

Well done

I know how you feel. It has taken me two years so go out walking the doggie at my local park. I think the lonliness is the hardest and the anxiety

Sending hugs x

What a massive achievement and yes you should be proud of yourself. Hopefully that is the leap that you needed to take and each time will get that little bit easier.
Well done

@Tiffany @Nel @Sarlyn
Thank you. xx
@Nel I know what you mean about anxiety. I used to have confidence but have always been anxious. I am pleased you are able to go out and walk with your dog. Everything seems so much harder doesn’t it? xx

Well done. Little steps. X

Hi Alir
I have just been reading your post and thankyou for being so brave and to let others know who might are suffering like you that it can be done. Not easy and a lot of will power is required. You found that strength to help yourself so well done.
I think some people find comfort in their surroundings and don’t want to go out of that comfort zone. Having two dogs I had no choice and never suffered as you have but I have lacked confidence in going into places and even mixing with groups of people I knew. Something that I never had a problem with before.
Give yourself a pat on the back and well done…

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Thank you xx

Thank you for your kind words.
I used to have confidence. Before I gave up work in 2021 I used to be a Receptionist for a large corporate company and was used to speaking to strangers , making them feel welcome and making a lot of small talk. The thought of doing that now, well, I just couldn’t.
It is strange how I have changed in the last six months. I know my husband would hate to see me like this so I try to get a positive out of every day. Easier said than done most days.
I am going to get my confidence back and go out again but I do love my home, like many I call it my sanctuary. I feel safe and secure for the moment but when I am ready I am going to move to a bungalow as we had planned.
I know how hard that will be but when I feel ready I will do it and make Ron proud of me.


Hello there Alir
You are quite correct it is all about being ready. Let life come to you and in time you will have that strength to move slightly forward.
It is surprising how we change with loss. I often sit and wonder what has happened to me. Now after four years I can see some of the old me coming back Like you I was confident and could chat for England but my confidence just drained out of me. I think many SR members will relate to this feeling.
Good luck xx


I don’t know you personally but I’m so sorry for your loss, Greif is the hardest journey any of us have too take , so many different stages so many agonising thoughts , not only a mental pain but a physical one , I have lupus sle so I’m use too pain but it seems the more emotional I get the more my body hurts. My sleep is affected it seems I’m awake while the rest of the world is sleeping, a Lonley time and a period of my life I just don’t know how to handle.
I lost my mum last year and it has completely destroyed me , my mum suffered so much for a year after she had a major stroke, my mum was the kindest purest women I’ve known or will ever know she had a special quality about her and words can’t even begin too explain the pain . Mum was only 74 but she never looked her age , she had a little dog who was treated like a princess mum would walk her 3/4 times a day , she also loved too do stuff for charity before she got Ill she use too clean the church , she would say I like doing it I feel close too god and I get too have my talks with the big man , whilst helping keep it beautifully clean . My mum unfortunately cared for so many but failed to give herself that extra love & kindness.
I feel as though a part of me died with mum and I’m struggling moving on , I get so many flashbacks of her stuck in the hospital bed in her living room , her poor body became so thin and I can’t get these visions out my head .
I find life even more difficult because I feel like I’ve lost my faith in God , I feel he let my mum down her whole life was very difficult I just think if he is their why make her end so bloody hard .
Mum was paralysed down her right side so was totally reliant on carers as me my brother & sister . It was the worst time of my life to see my beautiful mum be savaged by the brutality of a stroke .
I’m just reaching out and sending all who are missing and grieving their loved ones , my your healing come soon and you all find the way forward. Unfortunately their is no fast track outta this pain and it’s true time is the best healer, I hope god gives you the strength too heal and be able too rebuild a life without your loved ones , God bless .