PTSD and loss

So. I don’t really know how to start, except to say that I am struggling.
I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD, which I guess explains some of things I have been feeling and dealing with. I am having CBT sessions , which I think are helping.
I was witness to the death of a friend in which we attempted CPR, but were unsuccessful. Since then it’s like the black dog has been with me the whole time plus reliving the event, what we did, the aftermath etc. for a long time I was very frightened of everything! Now not so much, but I am struggling.
I have reoccurring nightmares and although these are getting gradually less there when they do come they are just as stark as being in the space was.
I have tried relaxation, adjusting bed times, sleep medication, staying away from alcohol and caffeine etc but I just can’t get a full night of sleep and it is driving me crazy! So any ideas on improving sleep, how to calm after a nightmare/flashback would be amazing.

I am also over alert and do panic sometimes, but I do have to surpress my feelings about this incident, especially when I am working so that I can try to continue doing my job. What I find is that those thoughts and feelings them become quite big and overwhelming. I am not sure on what triggers this, but I do know it needs to stop!

I am finding that lack of decent sleep plus irritation is starting to make me anger quite quickly. I sometimes feel like I am at the edge of my ability to control myself. I am worried that if my anger over comes me it will appear as violence/aggression. Obviously I don’t want this, I am quite a large human, which can be intimidating anyway, but the last thing i want is an explosion of emotion. Any wise ideas on coping strategies?

I’ve also been wrestling with the black dog quite a lot. It sits right near me all the time now. Sometimes it brings a general sense of me’h and sometimes it sits by while my darker intrusive thoughts happen. Just lurking in the background. I’m trying to pick myself back up and regain some self care etc but it’s just so damn hard!

I miss my friend hard. I feel very guilty about the whole situation. I think grief brings it’s own whole new level into this mess I am in!

I don’t know what I will gain from this, but it actually feels good to write it down. And if I gain any coping strategies, advice etc then all the better.


Hi sazzy,

Sorry to hear you’re struggling. I was in a very similar situation after trying to resuscitate my daughter. It took a good 15 minutes for the paramedic to arrive after calling them 2 times within the space of any hour ! My beautiful girl passed away.

I am a healthcare professional and being able to carry out cpr is part of the job. Going back to work carried a lot of angst and stress (still does to a point). But I was recommended to try emdr which I was sceptical about but my it does work!! I will never forget the circumstances but with emdr the emotional side of this has been alleviated. It doesn’t work for some but has a proven track record for people suffering from ptsd. It has allowed me to grieve for my daughter without the residual anger that I felt surrounding the circumstances. Please DM me if you need any further info.

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Hi. Thank you so much for sharing. I have messaged you.

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I’m so glad I found this group and im so sorry for everyone who is grieving and finding it hard to cope like me. I don’t know where to start or what to say except I’m totally heartbroken and sad all the time. If anyone is reading this thank you.


I suffered from PTSD, due to having to endure working for many years in a horrible toxic culture.
The symptoms were the usual things, recurrent nightmares, explosive anger, regurgitation of negative thoughts, poor sleep, with a little black dog.
The solution for me was a course of results focussed hypnotherapy (which is nothing like being hypnotised like we see in stage acts). Four years later and it is still successful.
If you wish I can send you more info.

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Hi Sazzy,
I can relate to your post somewhat. I discovered my late partner, who had taken his own life in our home.Had to call emergency services etc which wasn’t the first time. For weeks afterwards, I suffered with PTSD- like symptoms. I did not know this at the time as no one explained anything to me.I struggled with sleep, anxiety and poor concentration and memory. I was lucky that family were there to support me in the early days or else things could have gone terribly wrong! Anyway what really helped me was having a physical outlet for my emotions, especially when I was going through my ‘angry phase’. I relied on playing sport and doing Boxercise. Keeping to a routine and working in a familiar environment helped with the anxiety and made me begin to feel emotionally safe again. Finding a support group also provided a safe space to share my story and find compassionate, understanding people. I hope that you too can find support and understanding here. Please don’t forget that you are stronger than you realise and allow time to work through things. Much love x