Puddle in water

Hello. Ever since I lost my mum I have had this unusual feeling that my mum went to a place not heaven or hell. But a place where all our loved ones go and they don’t die they end up on a different planet looking at us through a puddle in the water.
I know it sounds crazy and far fetched for me to propose this and maybe it’s my own grief that is clouding my judgement of my mums passing and my way of dealing with my grief. But I refuse to believe my mum has gone. I will never accept that she’s gone. Some say it’s a stage of grief but my grief isn’t yours
I know one thing my mum is looking at me through a puddle in water. She never really left me. Mums never leave their sons because a mums love is eternal and comforting very reassuring
As I write this tears roll down my face had I know nothing will ever be the same until I’m dead and with my mum.
What I feel is made so much worse because before my mum was Unwell eventually going into a coma I was close to my partners mum who I thought the world of. She was like a mum to me and few months later this person left me. So you can imagine the feelings I have horrendous.
How I’m feeling I can’t even talk to my partner because of how she makes me feel when I try. I have always wanted for my partner and I to be united in our grief. She was upset me by saying her grief is worse than mine as she was closer to her mum than I was to mine. It’s simply not true. If we can’t talk about this then some day I will walk away and then that will be time for me to leave this world.
So yeah grief is complicated

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Hi @Steven, I’m so sorry to for the loss of your mum. Thank you so much for sharing how you’re feeling so eloquently. I’m sure lots of our members will identify with what you’re experiencing. You’re right, your grief is no-one else’s, and everyone grieves differently.

I’m really sorry that you can’t talk about your feelings with your partner. It must feel so isolating, but you are not alone. We are here for you and please do keep reaching out to us.

I also wanted to share our Grief Self Help platform with you - it might be something useful for both of you to explore. It has lots of resources about coping with grief, and some self help tools like journaling. It’s here if you’d like to take a look: https://selfhelp.sueryder.org/

Take good care,

Steven, I’m sorry you’ve lost your Mum. I lost my Mum over two years ago.

Where you believe your Mum has now gone sounds lovely to me. To me, it does not sound crazy nor far fetched.
I frequently believe my Mum is quite close by. Sometimes, I truly sense it.
We all make sense of loss differently.
Take care.

Yes everyone who grieves has their own way of grieving. Mine comforts me it hurts though to think that I can’t reach my mum but I truly believe I will be with her I just want it right this minute