Pulling myself out of my grief

I’ve decided to make a choice to pull myself out of my grief instead of living it. I can’t do it no more. I’ve let my grief consume me for nearly 2 years. All I’m doing is letting grief hurt me. I’m heartbroken as it is the pain I feel is excruciating. I know my grief will be with me for the rest of my life. I have to live my life and grab some happiness
Mum I know you can hear me but you’d want me to get on with my life and not let my grief keep tearing me apart like it’s been doing.
It’s time to live


Like your positive thinking. Good luck for your future happiness :heart:

Hello. Thank you

Good luck Steven

What a lovely positive attitude. I’m sure its what your Mum would want for you.

Take care
Big hugs

Liz x

How are you doing it, please let everyone know, so it also helps us?

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Hi Varum
Well I’m not sure it will help someone but I hope it does
I’ve just chosen to not let it get to me like my grief has been doing. It’s held me back for way too long. I just refuse to let it hurt me anymore. It’s better this way don’t you think
I know it’s much help

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Hello thank you liro
Yeah I’ve struggled with this for to long
It has changed me and I’ve not been living a happy life I don’t want to live like this anymore
I’ve got to try to move on


Good luck, your doing so well having such a positive attitude! Your mum will be looking down on you sending you strength and love! Well done you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Let us know how you get on, we could all do with some positive motivational support :heart:

Best of luck, Steven. I truly hope it works out for you. :heart:

I hope you succeed, but how do you do it ? I want to move on too, but cannot do it. I feel so unhappy and lonely and when I get up in the morning I cant wait for the day to be over.

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What a positive choice to make - grief is a journey which is different for all but we all do make a choice as to how we let it dominate and shape our lives.
Best of luck as you journey forwards.

I completely understand I had days where I wanted the day to be over. It’s extremely difficult telling yourself that when you’re grieving. You have a life to live and you have to put yourself first but equally important is looking after your wellbeing.
I started to realise I wasn’t looking after yourself and I couldn’t let my grief consume me like it was doing.
I’ve been on this journey while all the time I was doing it to myself thinking how heartbroken I am it’s not what my mum would want she’d want me to live my life best way I can.
Oh it does hurt letting go
I can’t do it to myself going on the way I have. It’s not living. It doesn’t mean I’m not forgetting my mum. If anything she’s in my heart
Beiieve me if you tell yourself I won’t let my grief control me. It’s easier said than done. Just believe in yourself

Well done,Steven
I got to the same stage that you are at, and decided that things had to change.
The most effective thing fore was to imagine how I wanted my new life to be. Of course it didn’t include forgetting my old life, it is more like thinking how to extend it.
Having decided how I wanted my new to be, the next thing was how to get there, I began to devise a plan!
Then, step by step, I slowly moved towards my future life
I’m now living it. I never forget my wife, she came with me every step of the way
It’s not as good as it was, but I’m pretty happy again.
Good luck on your journey to your new, happy, life.


Hello tykey
Wow well done that takes a lot of courage
Thanks that’s what I’ve done
I couldn’t live this miserable life. 8 years is too long to let grief take a hold of my life. I could see what grief was doing to me I felt myself going deeper into a kind of depression and when it gets hold of you it doesn’t let go. I had to pull myself out before it was too late for me.
Somehow I found the strength and the courage it took a lot. I knew it was now or never.
I have a plan in mind. One is to do more travelling and get back into remixing music. I know what I have to do
I don’t want to look back on my life with regret. There’s been to much of that.
It’s onwards and upwards


That’s fantastic, Steven.
I have another technique which helps me. I imagine that at some time in the future, I’ll find myself in a care home, sat in a chair in the corner of a lounge, being billy-no-mates. What I don’t want is to have to look back at this last stage of my active life and thinking “well, I wasted that, and I don’t ever have a second chance”.

Yesterday I sat in the garden, in wonderful sunshine, just “furtling” on a guitar, just inventing simple licks. Then I did a bit of flute practice, and amazingly, my neighbour recognised the tune I was trying to play :smiley:

Music is a fantastic avenue to expand, or get back to, isn’t it, soothing the savage breast. On my plan is that on each anniversary of Penny’s death (April 18th), I’m going to start learning a new instrument. So far, next year’s suggestions are didgeridoo, keyboard, or bagpipes!! The neighbours are keen for it to be piano!!!

Onwards and upwards👍


I relate so much to this thread and in particular to your solution. I played in a duo with my wife for 15 years so all of a sudden music was hard…but I ve played all my life so it’s one passion I can continue in the future. I have a small home recording studio…but couldn’t bare to go up there for months after I lost my wife…too many memories everywhere. But I played a small festival last summer supported by my old band mates and I’m doing the same festival this summer. So I’ve got a focus…I know I have to grab it now and carry on…even though it’s so hard. But I know I must grasp the nettle and force myself … hopefully it will motivate me…to reshape my life…but it’s so hard :love_you_gesture:

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Go fot it @UnityMan. We pick up friendships with those who seem to have drifted off, and make new pals we havent met yet. It’s not easy to get going, but it gets easier. I’ve just been sat in my conservatory with a guitar and played City of New Orleans in my own style (slow and relaxed), and a mate is coming over with his guitar and we’ll play some more.

Every 2 or 3 months, I organise a bit of a jamming session so lots of friends come along, and I’m able to keep in touch with them. The session is called Everlasting Ectoplasm (don’t ask me why, because I don’t know).

I’m sure people are reading our conversation, who will be telling themselves “but I don’t play an instrument, or I would”. But everybody can!!! It’s called a ukulele, buy one, join a local group (such as U3a) and go along. You’ll be strumming along with other novices in 5 minutes (just playing one chord, C), and possibly singing a little song you know.

And then you are a musician, and making new pals :innocent: :wink:

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…City of New Orleans was one of mine and Sandies set list staples …yes you are right…music is probably my salvation…it always has been…and I guess it will be again…just that for the past 15 years I did it predominantly with her …that makes it so hard…best wishes to ya :love_you_gesture::guitar:

Hello Tykey
Like you I have a love of music. I was brought up as a child whey my mum was a dance cheoragpher we lived in New York while my mum built her career she was really famous. I’m proud of her achievements of a career that spanned over 60 years. I self taught myself the guitar the piano and the saxophone but after my mum left me I’d lost my interest in playing my instruments and remixing. My mum was my inspiration
So now I’m jamming again and rediscovering remixing I can see I take it back up lt feels so good