Putting on people is how I’m made to feel this morning. Days off crying and can’t stop the pain and more memories on Facebook this morning 
sorry I say alot on here because your the only one that feel my pain and understand what it’s like. Got meeting at 1.30 and i really don’t know how i will cope with it. I just want to hide away and be left alone 
hugs 
to you all
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You are not putting on people just looking for some support…
I must confess I plumbed the depths yesterday everything went wrong,my brain felt like a tangled ball of wool,we go through this because we care, try to stay strong.
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Oh @Judy10
You are not putting on anybody on this forum.
We are all here to help and support each other.
You have been really kind to me and others on here.
We try to help each other.
I know it’s not the same as having support at home.
I’m lucky enough to have good support.
But its the others on here that really understand the pain we all feel.
That deep pain, and heart broken into a million pieces that nobody can understand unless they have been through it too.
And the missing, that just seems to get worse as time goes on.
Crying is good, its a safety valve.
You cry as much as you want.
I do a lot. But I do try to keep it to myself. I’m not always successful though.
You will get through your meeting, you’re stronger than you think.
Sending you a big hug
Liz x x
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Ron11and Liro it’s not on here i feel I’m putting on people. It’s family are doing so much to help and they are working and supporting me and my son. Just something was said this morning that made me feel I’m putting on family. To be honest you all have been great and it helps that you all understand how i feel. I felt worse the last few days and not sure if it’s because of the meeting or I’m just having a bad few days. Like you all the pain is so bad it’s making me feel ill 
we just somehow keep going and hope things get better soon thank you both so much and big hugs to you all
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Liro hope your day has been ok and my meeting went better then I thought and my son got on the course he wanted. They said they are going to support him better than last time. So fingers crossed and hopefully he will go back soon 
so a positive outcome and big hugs to you all xx
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I’m so glad for you @Judy10
You got the result you needed.
You are strong enough to look after your son
Like a lioness protecting her cub
Well done @Judy10
Big hugs to you x x x
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Liro i was with my daughter she was a great support and i was really strong and told them they haven’t supported him enough and the outcome was good. Thanks for your lovely words and made me feel 
xx
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I’m glad I helped x x
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Liro it really did thank you hope your day was ok and hugs to you xx
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Ron11 hope your feeling better today and it’s horrible and we just havevto keep going i guess. Sending hugs to you
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I am Judy thank you,although on occasions my brain turns to scrambled eggs,hope you are ok.
Hugs Ron.
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Ron11 I’m ok thank you and just keep going and hope your day goes well big hugs to you all xx
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Well Judy my morning went well,got up feeling a bit better had a shower,thought I would crack on with some chores,needed a haircut(that’s a laugh there’s more hair on my………) half way through trimmer run out of power,ended up like half a sad Mohican,started descaling shower head scrubbing away knee hit on button and ended up with a fully clothed shower,I then gave up,at least it was funny.
Hugs Ron.
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Ron, your post has educated me, highlighting my shortcomings. First of all I laughed.
Then I wondered if this could be another thing to add to my list of widow hacks. Shower with clothes on, if possible take dirty crockery into shower with you.
Then I started to wonder why female Ronni was using a hair trimmer and what she’s got that’s “hairier than her head”. Of course I realised that I was getting my Ron’s mixed up.
Lesson One: Read more carefully.
Then your post reminded me that I have been meaning to descale the shower head. It is the first time I have done this, it was ‘his’ job.
I only wear glasses for reading, but I needed them to see how to take the shower head to bits. I was astounded and disgusted at how fluffy the bathroom is. I have spent the day wearing glasses, the skirting boards, sockets, every nook and cranny has now been de-fluffed!
Lesson Two: I must stop being such a scuttie woman, and clean properly.
Thanks for the lessons, the laughs, and the activity of the day.
Xx
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Ron11 well that made me laugh 
so thanks I’ve had a day off one step forward and 100 back 
so must be in the air. Hope tomorrow is better big hugs
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Ron that made me laugh this evening (oops early morning again) - thankyou.
I’ve laughed twice today 
Earlier my daughter was really down and we were talking about the toilet seat being a bit broken and we really needed a new one. ( not sure how that got to be the topic of conversation from discussing her dads death !!)
Anyway, when they were really young I bought a novelty toilet seat which was a shark head supposedly biting your bum as you sat down, they laughed and loved it so much I’ve always replaced it with something similar and funny or quirky.
So we had a look on Amazon and found the perfect seat.
With the lid down it was a lovely pink unicorn, peeing a rainbow 
( why I hear you ask?) and when you lifted it up, said unicorn was puking up the rainbow.
With 4 kids in teenage years and early 20s, both me and my daughter found this remarkably funny and had a good proper laugh.
Made us both feel better - so have ordered one 
Sleep tight all xx
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Judy10 I understand what you mean about putting on others. I am now nearly 14 months down the line and my daughters and family have been great. Last Christmas, the first since I lost Chris I spent with one daughter returning home on the 27th, was then unwell with an awful cold and withdrew into my flat and waited for the new year to come. I know my daughters were concerned but I really didn’t want them to feel obligated to being with me. I have moved forward, I still miss my old life but have started to fashion a new one. This year I’m going to the other daughters for Christmas and, because I don’t want either of them worrying about me I have booked myself a Twixmas break. I am going on a short coach holiday to Blackpool, from the 27th of December until the 30th. I’m apprehensive, I have never done anything like this before but at the same time looking forward to meeting new people who will also be lone travellers. I get feelings of guilt at times because I’m doing things that Chris will never be part of but I think he would understand and be pleased that I am not letting what is left of my life be wasted.
Hello Judy
I have only just joined here but wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you.
I too feel as if I’m putting on people - I have a lovely family but now that it’s over a year since my lovely husband died, they want to get on with their lives and I so often feel anxious and alone.
Sending you love and a massive hug - it’s only when you experience such sadness that anyone knows what it’s like. Hope you have more good days xx
I am glad that I have a way to express my feelings and pour my heart out when needed in a safe place. For that, I thank you all. 
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