hello, I’m new here. I really need some advice before I attempt to contact an attorney. I live in Tennessee. My daughter who I was very close to passed away at the end of October 2024… I saw her every single day with the exception of some weekends and days that her husband will be home with her. She had a disability caused from autoimmune diseases brought on by two exposures to Covid. She developed CIDP lupus, myasthenia gravis Cushing’s disease among other things she had weight loss surgery and died from respiratory failure following tha.
My question is this- her widower or my son-in-law- got a new girlfriend very quickly after she died. My daughter and son-in-law has three school age children under 10. This was a seriously traumatic event for all of us. I believe my son-in-law initiated this relationship to try to cope with her loss because when he’s around me, he cries a lot and tells me how much he misses her. He also suffers from bipolar disorder the two oldest children have ADHD. All of the children. attend therapy every month. Their father does not.
Since these children were born, I have been a huge impact in their life from taking them to various sports, to school, picking them up from school, helping their mother and father raised them basically. I have seen these children at least every week of their lives… often daily for the last 10 years. And they live with us for three years.
The new girlfriend got butt hurt when I asked her to please check what the children were wearing before they went to school when I was picking them up to take them to school still as they will be wearing dirty clothes. I also knew their homework routine and knew they would try to get out of it so I would tell them they need to do this for homework this evening and make sure they don’t try to get out of it because they always tried. About two months ago she started insisting on taking them to school herself and picking them up from school herself, andtelling me that I need to ask permission to pick them up from school. She does not make them do homework at all. She says they have to come home directly from school because they have chores to do… honestly, you live in a single wide trailer not a farm how many chores could they actually have to do?? also since then she has sent me a text lying to me telling me that they are interested in going to specific sports and asking for money to sign them up. She gets angry when I refuse because they’re already signed up for other activities or they don’t actually want to do those activities when I ask them. They tell me her children want to do that and they don’t want to…
I’ve recently been informed that they are not allowed to do their individual activities this summer because she has three children that just moved in with them as well and if they want to do something, they all have to do the same thing.
She sends me nasty text. If I’m a few minutes late bringing them home when I’m used to bringing them home when I bring them home I’ve tried to be respectful. I’ve tried to be nice and I’ve even apologized… and we were on a good level of communication for a couple of weeks until she asked me to pick up all of her children and my grandchildren when she had to go have surgery I had to use their car because it’s bigger than mine. I noticed the air in the tire was low so I had it filled up. I didn’t run over anything and when they got home, they drove the car for two more days. The following Monday, he said they got a flat tire and expected me to take care of it. I reminded him that I sent him a screenshot of the air pressure gauge when it came up showing low air that Friday afternoon when I picked the kids up from school when I picked up the vehicle. So now she’s all mad at me because I won’t buy her a tire using my grandchildren’s Social Security money. So we’re back to her little nasty text giving me instructions on when I can and can’t see my grandchildren and told me that I picked them up without permission when I asked their father the day before and he agreed to let me pick them up to take them to their library program.
The children don’t like her. She has thrown away the youngest ones jackets., she told the oldest one that if I gave her anything for her birthday that she would throw it away, she told them she loves them, but she hates them, she called them retarded, she yanked the little one by the collar when the neighbor waved at her and she wanted to give her a hug. She yanked her back with by the collar… she tells them that if anything happens to their dad that she’s not gonna let them live with me. she’s cruel verbally and doesn’t do these things in front of their father and they’re afraid to tell him because they’re afraid he won’t believe them. I tell them to make sure their therapist knows and if there’s any thing they ever need to tell their teachers, tell them. There is no physical abuse… yet… she makes the oldest one do her children’s hair every morning, but refuses to do their hair… I was picking them up from their house and the girls hair was in knots huge knots… to where the youngest one finally said just cut my hair. Their father.asked her to marry him, but she is still married to her ex ex-husband and is trying to get a divorce. All this has happened with a six-month period and I am devastated. I am walking on eggshells because he is a good father to the kids, and I want them to have a successful relationship, especially where he had horrible relationship with his real parents as a child. I’ve known this man for 11 years and I understand him. But he still gets angry with me and he still threatens to not let the children see me if they do something bad or if they don’t finish their chores.
My question is this. Does the girlfriendhave any rights to intervene in the communication of my son-in-law and I over the plans for seeing my grandchildren? Is she allowed to instruct me because she wants control of the children and to keep them away from me because she’s mad at me?
I would really appreciate some input on this.
Thank you so much