Questioning everything

My mum died on 15th January this year after a very short battle with cancer. It came as a huge shock. We were very close and she was only 61. She helped me so much with our children looking after them every week while i was working. I miss her every minute of the day.
I used to feel passionate about my career as a surveyor - and enjoyed my job. My team has never been very supportive even though i have worked there for 7 years.
I havent been able to work productively since my mum died and was signed off by the doctor for a few weeks. I just can’t find any motivation now for anything.
I keep looking for meaning in life as am questioning everything now. Feel like i want to change my life. Make it more meaningful. A job where i help people ? Or make a difference to the world.
Has anyone else experienced these feelings?
Is this just temporary ? Or will i always feel like this now ?


I’m so sorry for you loss! I lost my mum some years ago and my dad recently and it’s completely normal to question everything after, including your own career. It’s such a life-changing event and it shakes you to the core. You realise just how meaningless much of modern society is and that spills over into what you work with and makes you wonder what the point of it is. I can’t say if you’ll always feel like this, but you’re not alone. And maybe it would be a good thing to change direction? :heart:


@PennyG I understand you well! But I’m the opposite, can’t imagine going back to work (NHS) and continue helping other people when I couldn’t help my own mum… looking into complete change of jobs

@Ola13 oh no thats a shame you feel like that - what is your job? I am sure you have helped so many people. What did your mum pass from if you dont mind me asking ? I imagine it must he hard but you cant blame yourself. Some things cannot be cured. How long since your mum died and have you been off work ? I went back 3 weeks after mum died but couldnt cope so only did a couple of weeks and have been signed off since. Other people seem to manage to carry on working and functioning but i just cant seem to. I just want to quit to be honest but obviously theres a financial pressure. But going to give it a bit more time.

I think the death of a loved one makes you view the world with a new perspective, it makes you realise the things that are truly important, and also to feel our own mortality and question what we are doing with our lives. I lost my job whilst caring for mum, but i certainly dont want to return to my former career and also feel i possibly want to do something that makes a difference in some way. I know the advice is not to make radical life changing decisions in the early stages of grief as your emotions are all over the place, plus i guess there is a certain stability/security that an existing job can offer in a really unsettling time. But there is nothing to stop you starting to research what type of role you might like, what skills you would need and if there are qualifications needed you could start studying whilst still working in your current role. Then at least youd feel you were heading in the right direction whilst still paying the bills in your current job :heart:


@PennyG what you’re feeling is entirely understandable after the loss of a parent. It certainly sharpens up your sense of mortality and makes you wonder what life is about. Grief has a massive impact on your motivation and mood. I would advise that you don’t make any life changing decisions for a while because you’re still processing the shock of your loss. I lost my Mum over a year ago now and I found that I lost energy and enthusiasm for life. I accepted that this was part of my grief and knew that in time these feelings would shift. Researching alternatives for work might help but try not to make sudden changes when you are still emotionally vulnerable. Best wishes xx

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I think these feelings are totally understandable. Its impossible to treat grief, I not sure where I’m going with life except day to day. There’s so much that comes with it, I lived with my mum so it’s harder for me. So yes I miss her, I got financial problems and the prospect being on my own every day too. I wished I could do something about it, but it’s not easy.

Thanks all. Yes i have found myself looking for something to make mums death have some meaning. I dont know why or how but i just feel things shouldnt keep going as they were - as things are different without her. Her life was cut short and it seems so unfair.
It has made me look for answers.
The doctor at the hospice asked her if she was spiritual the day she died. She couldnt reply but we answered for her and said she wasnt.
It made me scared to think i am not either. That thats it. When you die you are gone. I keep thanking about it and have started looking into bhuddism as that seems to resonate with me the most.
I just cant get my head around the fact that one minute we are here and the next we are gone. I still want to text her or call her about things and then remember she isnt here anymore and it hurts every time.
Such difficult times.
@Keith68 sorry you are suffering it must be hard for you to live alone without her. I hope we will all find it gets easier to cope with in time.

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A lot on here I read on here I truly identify with. Frequencys, realms. I took part in a online thing with a medium last Saturday, I didn’t get a message but others did. I watched videos on Tik Tok regarding near death experiences. The subject takes on a whole new meaning when you lose your mum. You miss that person and just knowing they was around. This is a very good group though, maybe we can all help each other through the bad times.

I started looking into buddism during lockdown when i started a daily meditation practice. Some of it resonated with me but other bits just made my head hurt! :thinking:

@PennyG sending big hug, I keep sending messages to my mum’s phone though I know she’s not here. I actually also rung her the other day through messanger which is what we did every day. I just miss her voice so much…


That sounds interesting. I think its helpful for some people thinking that their loved ones are still around in spirit. I personally am not sure about that but understand that others do.
Yes i think the group is really helpful when we are all going through a very similar experience.