Hi I have very recently lost my beautiful 39 year old daughter and I am constantly questioning the way in which I am grieving. I cannot understand why I feel like this. I miss her more than words can say. I feel guilty when I do normal everyday things or if someone tries to make me laugh. I have days when I feel numb and these are the days I question myself and I feel guilty about feeling like this.
Hello @Clairebear1984,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter and the grief you’re feeling. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hello, I’m so sorry for your loss. 
Grief is different for everyone and it literally is like a rollercoaster of emotions. I think all we can do is take it almost minute by minute and accept our feelings as they come and go.
Please don’t feel guilty for the times you may laugh or smile, it’s so important to have a little respite to give our brains a break from all the unbearable sadness. It’s so hard to make sense of losing a child. It’s not the order of how life should be.
It sounds like it is really early days in your grief journey….as time goes by you will learn to carry your grief and it will become a little softer. But it will always be there because grief is love and we will always love our beloved children. It helps to talk on these platforms where other parents have lost children … there is some understanding albeit different as situations are not the same. Lots of self love , look after yourself as much as you can and I hope you have support around you. Keep talking to us.
Big 
hugs and take good care xx
Thank you for taking the time to send such kind words of comfort and support. It is a very hard and lonely place and I feel like a part of me has gone too, but I am lucky to have a very understanding and thoughtful husband even though he is also grieving. I am also very grateful to have found this website were I can express my thoughts where people truly understand what you are feeling. So thank you again for your kind thoughts. Love and hugs xx
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