ramblings of a sad man.

I walked into town Saturday,Decided to nip into the church were my dad and sisters ashes are interred.there were Christmas wreaths placed on the grass.i said a few words asking my Dad to please look after Jayne.told him and Samantha I missed them.prayed to god to please look after them.
then I walked to the florists to get some flowers sent to my mum.
I decided buy a little potted wreath with a card put a few words on it then went to the church and placed it in the ground.said a few words then walked home.i just wish id been able take control of Jayne funeral ,as id have some where go and take flowers and chat to Jayne.
I wrote a will the other day and told the solicitor id like to write my own service and funeral plans.mostly because I need to have Jayne mentioned as she was the most important person to ever come into and be a massive part of my life.was told to write all I wanted ,on a separate piece of paper ,and also inform my executors of my wishes.im having trouble putting my wishes in place at the moment, but hopefully I will have in place everything I desire to happen on paper soon.

Ian there no hurry but I do not what your saying I have put my thoughts and wishes in writing to its in my house at the moment as I may want to change some things in time but I told a friend of mine where it is just in case have you no where special the two of you went a seat you sat on a beach you went to that you can call you’re place a memory that you can have as your place with her that maybe you don’t have to share with anyone else some were to go to remember. X


thank you very much for your response.
ive been out for a walk,i went to the church and stood for a while.then I wondered round town and ended up sitting on a bench out side some flats were a local butchers used to be.its about 200 ft or so from were me and Jayne used to live.its changed to flats about 2004,i used to walk down some Saturday morning and get some sausages and bacon for mine and Jaynes breakfast .I sat there for about an hour just reflecting on times gone by.damn it I miss Jayne so much it hurts.
ian x

Ian you may have cruelly had Jayne’s funeral taken out your hands by her family but you are doing a grand job of looking after her now. Wherever you are she is with you, you can chat to Jayne anytime. I have a place I can go to where Brian’s ashes were scattered, I take flowers there every week but funnily enough there are other places that I feel much closer to him.
Well done in getting your will sorted.
Pat xxx

1 Like

thank you Pat.
I really hope Jayne is with me,i want to believe I will be reunited when I die.im a little frustrated at times when reading opinions of those who say we have one life and make the best of it.sorry say but the best of my life ended when I lost Jayne.im now just existing .just about,my deciding do a sky dive is because I want do something in Jaynes name and memory and give life just a little purpose. this is a goal I hope to achieve and something that may keep me from doing something stupid.
Ian xx

Good thinking Ian to have a goal to aim for. Go for it. No more living on chippy and those beans. Get yourself fit and do that jump in Jayne’s memory. Even if you don’t want to do the jump in the end just taking care of yourself will be a goal to go for. I can relate to the best of our life ending when we lost our loved ones, It’s probable that most people on this forum feel exactly the same. At the present moment our lives are literally that, an existence. But given time who knows what is out there for us.
Pat xx

Good for you, Ian, there is no doubt that you and your beloved Jayne will be reunited when the time is right, I do believe that God decides the time. I found a beautiful poem on the internet, it is called “Safely Home” - anonymous, it is well worth reading and keeping.
I found your post touching and I agree with Pat, you are certainly looking after your Jayne now.
My very best wishes,

Thank you Mary, that’s a lovely poem & reassuring.

thank you Maryl
much appreciated.