Reaching Out

I seem to be having a lot more down days than up days recently.
My mum was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2019 and after 10 years of fighting she lost her battle last Jan, exactly one month after she lost her father (my Grandad)

I was able to take my mum to see my grandad the 2 days before he passed and she said she will forever be in my debt for giving her those last moments.

Mum was taken into hospital on the 7th Jan, after discovering that it had spread to her brain and was more aggressive in her liver. I was so thankful that I was able to be by her side when she passed on the 24th Jan 2020.
I do feel like I am suffering with PTSD because of this though, I keep having flash backs and I can remember everything that happened on that day, all conversations I had.

I feel like I also haven’t been abele to grieve my grandad, what with my mum going so rapidly down hill so soon after his passing.

I suppose I just want to check that this feeling will fade slightly. I have tried the online counselling sessions but I feel they just didn’t work for me. Also with mothers day so soon, I am really struggling with it all…

Dear mejridley,

I see that you have not (yet) had any replies to your post. That must be disappointing for you. I can only think that the reason for that is that there are so many new posts every day at the moment, many more than wh

en I became a volunteer a year ago.

You lost your mum and your grandad within one month so had a double bereavement. There is no ‘set’ time for feelings, and how long they should last or when they should fade. Each bereavement is unique. In my own experience (I lost my dad 4 years ago, and my mum the following year) grief comes in waves, and certain days or events bring up emotions. You mention mothers day coming up, and that may well explain why you are struggling more at the moment.

Flashbacks can be very upsetting. You say that online counseling has not really worked for you. I don’t know what else you have tried. I did a quick Google search for ‘self help for PTSD’ and quite a lot came up, for example this [page from 'Mind; on dealing with flashbacks:

Jo

Hi Mejridley

Im so sorry for your devastaion and in what you are feeling , thinking and going through.
I to keep having flash backs and remember everything that happened on the day my beloved wife passed.
It was just so unreal when she was told the the cancer came back aggressive 3 months after the op and that there was nothing more that could be done. It was the first time in 29years that I saw her feel so hopeless together with the fear within my wife’s eyes. She demanded straight away to the doctors that she wanted to be home, and I cared for her with my sons at home for only 13 days watching her deteriate slowly.
We just can’t or don’t what to except it ever happened and like yourself them last moments always come to my mind randomly filling me up with sorrow each time.

Will the feelings fade slightly? I can only speak for my self and tell you that they do now and again, but when they come back they come back to me twice as hard and iv got no control over them especially when I close my eyes and pray for her soul to be at pease.

It was 4 months yesterday of her passing and I still think that my name will be called out by her from time to time. All I try to do of late, is not to fight my emotions thoughts of her no matter how soul destroying them last moments were.

Take care of you self xx
Derv

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